• We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
Hey, at least we didn’t steer into a microburst.

Also the flying carpet is great for taunting cassowar- OH MY GOODNESS WHO GAVE IT A GUN?
Thank you for replying. Flying carpets are fun and have a high resale value, at least that is what my local used flying carpet dealer says.
 
Last edited:
  • 2Haha
  • 1Like
Reactions:
  • 1Like
Reactions:
Admiral @diskoerekto gleefully jumps on Dumbo's back to help Howling Mad scout. Hannibal shouts for them to stay away from his cigars, scotch and peanuts. Howling Mad and @diskoerekto wave and cup their hand around their ear, while Dumbo trumpets.
I cannot stop laughing, the mental image is just too damn precious!
 
  • 2Like
Reactions:
1325 #3 León
10 March 1325 Red Cedar Ranch mountains overlooking Beirut

After escorting the AmazingAdventurousReaders through the Sunni Iraq and Syria Sultanates, the A-Team would return to their base in the City of Elephants. The Samrat hoped that this show of force would keep ungrateful vassals in check and show others who is the Sunni Boss (definitely not the Caliph). Face and Admiral @Kazanov have traveled ahead to secure camels and horses for the trip south through the Holy Land and west through Egypt to León. Ben Cartwright to set the men at ease and possibly influence the negotiations took the gentlemen hunting. When he downed a buck, Face's eyes got as bright as the stars. Upon the arrival of the AAReaders, MR8440 organized the ladies of nearby Ponderosa Church to provide a picnic lunch for the travelers with the featured attraction, her prize winning seven layer chocolate cake. With Ben and @Macavity116 staying behind to run the Red Cedar, Hoss and Little Joe will guide the AAReaders along the coast to León's capital in the Atlas Mountains and hopefully acquire some prized Spanish and Arabian stock to add to their herd. Little Joe remarks to Hoss that Pa made a great deal on the horses but that @Kazanov is the finest judge of camels that he had ever seen, even if he calls them lamies and pacas. Hoss ribs Little Joe that the pint sized one looks enough like him to be his daughter.

14 March 1325 along the coast road in Jerusalem Kingdom

Riding point, @JSB217118 spies a bloodied, mangled body off to the right. After @AxolotlKnight washes away the blood and bandages the man, Duchess Milka is shocked to learn that the injured man was her late father's friend and successor as Byzantine Mystikos, @Mr. Wiz. @Flinteroon is summoned to interpret the semiconscious @Mr. Wiz's mutterings. The Admirals (@Bullfilter, @diskoerekto and @Kazanov), Captain @Cora Giantkiller, Duchess Milka and @Flinteroon met to discuss the words 'vote, doux, tower and Dewey'. The leading hypothesis is that the unscrupulous barrister Dewey Cheatem is in Thrace Tower with the infamous Doux Sebastianos and Duchess Anthosa to rig the 2nd Quarter ACA election. As @Mr. Wiz recovers, he spends most of his time riding in a hammock suspended between the camels of his two Norman protectors, @JSB217118 and @RustyHunter. Duchess Milka, with the blood of Princess Georgia, vows to extend the hospitality of Dyrrachion until @Mr. Wiz recovers. Furthermore with the blood of Doux Gjin and Genghis Khan, she invites anyone to try to harm him under her watch.


1 April 1325 Tlemcen capital of León/Maghreb Kingdom

León
is #3 for the second consecutive check, but with a new junior partner, the Maghreb Kingdom. León has 211 holdings (down 21) in 60 counties (down 5). León's 14th century first quarter leadership timeline:

2 October 1272 4yo Salvador d'Ivrea inherits León/Castille Kingdom.
13 March 1274 5yo King Salvador is forced out as Castille King.
8 December 1295 27yo King Salvador reclaims Castille Kingdom.
9 July 1310 41yo King Salvador dies suspiciously. His 16yo son Pedro d'Ivrea inherits León Kingdom and his 12yo son Munio d'Ivrea inherits Castille Kingdom.
12 March 1312 18yo King Pedro is conquered by claimant 48yo Duke Martín d'Ivrea of Tlemcen.
26 May 1312 48yo King Martín creates Maghreb Kingdom.
12 July 1317 53yo King Martín dies suspiciously. His 5yo granddaughter Urraca d'Ivrea inherits León/Maghreb Kingdom.
13yo Castillian Catholic Queen Urraca II is a 5-4-4-2-1 without a tutor or any traits. She rules two kingdoms, a duchy, two counties and a barony. Her vassals include twelve dukes and four counts. She and her nine thousand man army (smallest among big five) are ensuring peace in the realm.



NEXT: We will travel north to meet our second newcomer (guesses encouraged) and #5 realm.

THANK YOUs: To Lorne Greene, Dan Blocker and Michael Landon for providing us with a Bonanza by inviting us to the Ponderosa.

To MR8440 and her fellow church ladies for providing a wonderful lunch for weary travelers and helping raise a wonderful grandson.​
To @Macavity116 for All Our Sins Remembered. This is on the Stellaris page. One can either read or listen to his wonderful youtube narrations.​
To @Mr. Wiz for The True Sons of Rome! He returns after a two month absence. It is only on page 3 so it will not be hard to catch up on the activities in the city of the world's desire.​
To everyone for reading and leaving comments. Everyone please vote at the ACAs. @Nikolai works diligently providing this outlet to show your appreciation to the wonderful AAR writers. Anyone, who has never registered, may register for free and is immediately eligible to vote. We must not let Dewey Cheatem steal the election.​
 
  • 6Like
  • 1Love
  • 1Haha
Reactions:
Aw, man. Thank you so much for both the nod and for giving me the best possible conversation starter. My Grandma is a fan of Bonanza!

Also,
13yo Castillian Catholic Queen Urraca II is a 5-4-4-2-1 without a tutor or any traits. She rules two kingdoms, a duchy, two counties and a barony. Her vassals include twelve dukes and four counts. She and her nine thousand man army (smallest among big five) are ensuring peace in the realm.
If I wasn't busy writing the Stormbreaker Universe, this is exactly the kind of Crusader Kings story I would be writing. Maybe there's an alternate universe where I found Crusader Kings before Stellaris.
 
  • 1Like
  • 1Love
Reactions:
Aw, man. Thank you so much for both the nod and for giving me the best possible conversation starter. My Grandma is a fan of Bonanza!

Also,

If I wasn't busy writing the Stormbreaker Universe, this is exactly the kind of Crusader Kings story I would be writing. Maybe there's an alternate universe where I found Crusader Kings before Stellaris.
Thank you for replying. Thank your grandma and her women's club for the lunch. I hope this redeems me in grandma's eyes for not letting you help Matt Dillon. Queen Urraca II seems to be set up for failure with no traits and no tutor at age 13.
 
  • 2Like
Reactions:
Damned Cheatem and his nefarious schemes! :D

As @Mr. Wiz recovers, he spends most of his time riding in a hammock suspended between the camels of his two Norman protectors
This sounds like an excellent way to travel. Would love to try it some day (preferably without the getting beaten up …)
 
  • 3Like
Reactions:
Damned Cheatem and his nefarious schemes! :D


This sounds like an excellent way to travel. Would love to try it some day (preferably without the getting beaten up …)
Thank you for replying. All Cheatem schemes are nefarious unless he is YOUR lawyer then they are wonderful.

Riding in a hammock between the camels probably is less bumpy than on the camel's back.
 
  • 3Like
Reactions:
Riding point, @JSB217118 spies a bloodied, mangled body off to the right.
Lucky to survive the experience - Kowalski should take point and watch out for the pungi stakes! John Wayne needs to take charge as The Duke of something ;)
 
  • 1Love
Reactions:
Lucky to survive the experience - Kowalski should take point and watch out for the pungi stakes! John Wayne needs to take charge as The Duke of something ;)
Thank you for the idea. John Wayne's Duchy is in King Clark and Queen Carole's Kingdom. Can you imagine the feast that @Macavity116's grandmother and the church ladies will prepare after meeting Wayne and Gable?
 
  • 1Love
  • 1Haha
  • 1Like
Reactions:
Oh man. Mention John Wayne once and my Grandma won't leave you alone for the rest of the day. She was a huge fan of his back when my parents were kids. Last thing I need is to be sat down by her for the um-teen-hundredth viewing of the original True Grit or How the West Was Won. XP
 
  • 1Like
  • 1Love
  • 1Haha
Reactions:
Oh man. Mention John Wayne once and my Grandma won't leave you alone for the rest of the day. She was a huge fan of his back when my parents were kids. Last thing I need is to be sat down by her for the um-teen-hundredth viewing of the original True Grit or How the West Was Won. XP
“Fighting soldiers, from the sky!” :D I can hear the ballad of the Green Beret now.
 
  • 1Like
Reactions:
Oh man. Mention John Wayne once and my Grandma won't leave you alone for the rest of the day. She was a huge fan of his back when my parents were kids. Last thing I need is to be sat down by her for the um-teen-hundredth viewing of the original True Grit or How the West Was Won. XP
Thank you for replying. Why would anyone watch True Grit without John Wayne, Glen Campbell and Kim Darby?
 
1325 #5 England
19 April 1325 Off León's North Africa Coast

The relaxing voyage from León to England has suddenly turned chaotic for the AmazingAdventurousReaders! The Castilian Caribbean's seemingly innocuous Captain is revealed to be the infamous pirate, Jack Sparrow. The male AAReaders are bound to the ship's rails, while the women are free to walk while under Sparrow's vigilant eye. There was talk that the captives would be sold in a Island market if they could not raise a large ransom. While young Laura and Duchess Milka distracted the crew, @Cora Giantkiller carefully tossed message bottles overboard giving everybody a spark of hope. @Kage265 remarked to @DensleyBlair that if this is what the trips are like that he would in the future remain in Dyrrachion guarding the WayBack Machine. From the east came @Nikolai's flagship, Viking Queen, all sails full of wind and Viking oarsmen double timing. Jack orders that nutrias and a beaver be added to the giant rodent wheel powering the ship as the hamsters and mice needed help. From the northeast wearing Dragon Express livery flies Speedy and @Tsar Monarchist with sniper archer @Macavity116 in full battle mode as the pirate in the crow's nest would attest if his cry had not been cut short. With Speedy's appearance, Jack's sophisticated navigators (albatrosses and vultures) made for new employment opportunities. From Gibraltar, Royal Navy speedboats commanded by 007 James Bond and 00@37th Armoured div with a squad of Royal Marines prepared to board the pirate vessel. Batman and @Wraith11B leading Green Berets were descending from the Bat Balloon to the pirate decks. With all seemingly lost, Jack grabbed Laura and held a dirk to her neck. A standoff looming, @Tsar Monarchist threw (some say dropped) a dragon sword to Duchess Milka. Quicker than scissors cut paper, Duchess Milka severed Jack's hand at the elbow. @Cora Giantkiller quickly pulled Laura to safety.

As senior officer, Admiral @Bullfilter convened a trial for Jack Sparrow. Jack's hopes rose upon the announcement that his former crew would be allowed to vote. Bailiff/Chief Taunter @diskoerekto extinguished that small flame when he told Sparrow that the crew is voting in the ACAs only and @Bullfilter alone would decide Sparrow's death whether by the rope, the plank or the dragon. The crew declared that they were simple farmers and fishermen before Sparrow pressed them into his service. @Nikolai enlisted @Flinteroon and @RustyHunter to help register the pirates. The pirates had small arguments about CK2 vs CK3 and HoI3 vs HoI4 but HoI3 being designated other created a major brouhaha. Giving everybody four votes in EACH category helped to calm frayed nerves. Knowing that the voting process would take time before the trial could continue, @diskoerekto securely tied Sparrow to the yardarm. @Bullfilter's trial record shows that Sparrow was sentenced to die by hanging and two hours later he was pronounced dead by medic @AxolotlKnight.

A few pirates would return to their homes but most would join the marines, berets or Vikings. One who suffered from acute seasickness would go to the Alps to help care for the dragons. @37th Armoured div and Elizabeth Swann took one of the speedboats and left the group. The official record is ambiguous whether this was an official mission to test the boat, an attempt to help Elizabeth recover from her ordeal or a search for Sparrow's treasure.


1 May 1325 Middlesex (London, Kingdom capital), England

England
returns to the top five as #5 (up two spots from 1200). England has 161 holdings (up 14) in 45 counties. England continues to choose its rulers by Agnatic-Cognatic Primogeniture. Englands's rulership timeline for the 14th century's first quarter:

23 January 1299 1yo Christopher de Cognac inherits the Kingdom of England.
1 June 1317 20yo King Christopher is murdered by Walter Dunkeld. Christopher's 18yo brother Martin de Cognac inherits England.
4 October 1324 26yo King Martin dies suspiciously. His 6yo son Anselm de Cognac inherits England. (Youngest and most recent top five ruler.)​
6yo English Catholic King Anselm II is a 3-0-2-3-3 without any traits. Unlike Queen Urraca II of León, King Anselm II does have a tutor. He rules the kingdom, a duchy and three counties. His vassals include eight dukes and six counts. King Anselm II and his ten thousand man army are participating in an offensive war.

11 February 1322 King Martin started reclaiming De Jure Hereford (county on English/Welsh border) from Duke Eric of Auvergne (central France). Duke Eric is currently revolting against the Kingdom of Ireland. (Anne Howe is scoring King Anselm as plus 90.)



NEXT: A visit to #1 Holy Roman Empire.

GUESSES: England is our final 1225 newcomer. For 1250, we have:
A) One Realm drops from the Top Five.​
B) One Realm joins the Top Five.​
C) One 1225 leader is alive in 1250. (Two children and two in 20s but only one will live to see 1250.)​
THANK YOUs: To Johnny Depp and Keira Knightley for being Pirates of the Caribbean.

To @Nikolai for running the ACAs while also writing a wonderful CK3 AAR.​
To everyone for reading and commenting. Please vote at the ACAs​
Everyone, please keep @Macavity116 in your thoughts and prayers as he awaits medical test results.
 
Last edited:
  • 3Love
  • 2Like
  • 1Haha
Reactions:
Batman and @Wraith11B leading Green Berets were descending from the Bat Balloon to the pirate decks.
Fighting soldiers from the sky
Fearless men who jump and die
Men who mean just what they say
The brave men of the Green Beret
As senior officer, Admiral @Bullfilter convened a trial for Jack Sparrow.
Only one fate for pirates.
Bailiff/Chief Taunter @diskoerekto extinguished that small flame when he told Sparrow that the crew is voting in the ACAs only and @Bullfilter alone would decide Sparrow's death whether by the rope, the plank or the dragon.
March in the guilty bastard!
@Bullfilter's trial record shows that Sparrow was sentenced to die by hanging and two hours later he was pronounced dead by medic @AxolotlKnight.
'Twas ever to be his fate.
 
  • 2Like
Reactions:
I am sad to see Jack Sparrow's death, he was a cunning man. I will have to say that is too close to death for my liking and I heard that the weather in Dyrrachion is wonderful, so that's where I'll be staying.

As for the guesses, I'm gonna say it is Queen Urraca who stays alive to 1250, seeing how the English monarchs have a propensity to get murdered.
 
  • 1Like
Reactions:
A few pirates would return to their homes but most would join the marines, berets or Vikings. One who suffered from acute seasickness would go to the Alps to help care for the dragons. @37th Armoured div and Elizabeth Swann took one of the speedboats and left the group. The official record is ambiguous whether this was an official mission to test the boat, an attempt to help Elizabeth recover from her ordeal or a search for Sparrow's treasure.
nah, see, I wanted to prove to Elizabeth that ramming, the main shipborne combat method of the age was useless when properly prepared for. I then accidentally rammed Gibraltar, and I had to fix the engine using the emotional anger generated when I told the gibraltarites that their island someday be owned by Britain.
 
Last edited:
  • 3Haha
Reactions: