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Final question. How do you raise the level of conolys u can have
Just FYI, you can go over the colony limit, you get penalties for going over the limit, to no longer be penalized you just have to create a sector, I sugest creating a sector with one of your more developed systems, so you can focus on developing the new colony, also to be clear you have a limited number of directly controled 'systems' not colonies, two or more colonies in the same system count as 1! Directly controlled system ;)
 
If you don't have adjacent borders to create friction, or insult them, or declare them your rival, they won't bother you. Have you checked their behaviour, are they xenophobe or xenophile, that makes a big difference.

The game says I'm. Weak compared to them. And they also have packs with other even stronger people.

But border fritcion is low.
 
Ughh I had a war.. I thought my fleet of 7k damage was decent. Untill the enemy jumped in 2 fleets which had 12.5k damage.

yeah, that's gonna happen. there's always some someone bigger and badder.

your weak rating should have given you a warning, you need some friends. you also need to check who your targets friends are. they may look weak on paper but have a defense pact or be in a federation.