Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales)

[phargle]

The Machiavellian Adventures of Count Valdemar

As told with many pictures. And few words.

(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)


1098 - 1100

The southern Swedes are revolting because their king is a heretic.

Some of them joined my realm and gave me their land. Some didn't.

Finnveden will pay for its lack of vision.

It is a strange feeling to end a war and still have ducats.

14 ducats per month. I wonder how much a decent portrait-painter charges these days.

They dare accuse me, the hero of Finnveden, of cowardice?

Argh!

So much land. So many revolting Swedes.

I build a lot of these throughout my realm to try to reduce the headache of governing.

Yet another Swedish province fleeing from the heretic king and straight into my clutches. I mean my realm.

Yet another turncoat Swede getting his land seized by me.

I'm not sure I'll be able to hold onto the shaft of land that's intruding into Sweden's backside, so I give it to a priest.

All I need is Kalmar Län and Småland will be mine.

Sometimes, I have the strangest urge to throw back my head and cackle with insane glee.


​

With Sweden in disarray, who is left to stop Valdemar? Will the count of Kalmar Län betray king and country, knowing Valdemar will probably just seize his land? Can Malmfrid satisfy Valdemar's blasphemous lust, or will he be forced to find another? Prepare yourself for a tale of hedonism, violence, and dishonor as the adventures of Valdemar Knýtling continue!​

 

[GrimPagan]

How does everyone accept being your vassal, everyone I ask would rather had their eyes poked out by red hot pliers.



Which is conviently what happens when my peacebreaking forces arrives to give feudalism and fiefdom to the occupied masses.

 

[phargle]

How does everyone accept being your vassal, everyone I ask would rather had their eyes poked out by red hot pliers.

Dumb luck. Sometimes I spam them, but I'm pretty lucky this game.

Hey, anybody know how I can change the title of this thread?

 

[EvilSanta]

Dumb luck. Sometimes I spam them, but I'm pretty lucky this game.

Hey, anybody know how I can change the title of this thread?

I think you have to pm moderator.Great update again.But I still miss Knud,hes so legendary...

 

[stnylan]

The creeping conquest of Sweden...

Apparently you can build an empire out of hating swedes

 

[phargle]

The Småland gambit.

The Machiavellian Adventures of Count Valdemar

As told with many pictures. And few words.

(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)


1100 - 1101

My personal realm plus my three vassals.

Maybe I've been too hard on Hardeknut.

Being kind to bastards is apparently some sort of sin. Who knew?

Being revealed as a coward and reviled for my new policy towards bastards has made me a more efficient ruler.

My future lover. Rawr.

What's this? Kalmar Län has broken away from the heretic king of Sweden?

Excellent.

He pledges undying loyalty to me . . .

. . . which should last through 1106.

Hmm. I wonder why he hates me so much.

Christ, I really need to hire a new painter. I look like a disobedient prostitute.

Duke of Småland. Let my bald bastard uncle be king! We all know who truly rules Denmark.

I wonder how the other dukes are doing.


​

How does Valdemar compare to his peers? Don't miss a special edition of the adventures of Valdemar Knýtling as we introduce the other nobles. . . possible friends and enemies on his path to greatness!​

 

[phargle]

I hope y'all don't mind the quick updates or the .jpg size. The images are higher quality than they are before, and I have a thousand or so of them to process before I'm caught up to 1205, so I want to keep the update pace brisk.

 

[stnylan]

Quite a collection of straits there, and stressed to boot, so perhaps there are many more to come.

 

[phargle]

Lords of Conquest.

The Machiavellian Adventures of Count Valdemar

As told with many pictures. And few words.

(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)

1101

Prince Erik, my uncle and brother to the king. Kind of a slob, but an important slob. Rules half of Denmark.

Johan of Finnveden. I don't trust him. A rich boy who rules that duchy that King Svend routinely screwed with.

Me.

Christian. A sniveling weasel who is only important because he rules Holstein.

Prince Erik. Strongest son of the king and heir to the throne. An arrogant lunatic.

How did he get in here?

Much better. I claim his titles and move on.

Prince Thorgils, another one of my uncles.

I think everyone in the realm is arbitrary, cruel and stressed. At least Thorgils limps for a little variety.

Prince Niels, the king's oldest son. He's an angry, insane bastard.

The king sure can make 'em, can't he?

Prince Harald, one of the king's other sons.

He's proud, brave, brilliant, thoughtfully diplomatic and almost certainly a bastard.

​

And there you have it, dear reader - the lords of Denmark. Valdemar stands like a collosus among his peers. But what will he do with his power? Will he use it for good or for awesome? Valdemar remembers his first and best hobby as his thrilling adventures continue!​

 

[stnylan]

The family certainly likes to spread itself around!

 

[unmerged(28894)]

Very nice. Keep up the good work.

 

[unmerged(48100)]

Seems like all you do is vassalising and then wiping out stupid Swedes. Strange that works. Will Valdemar be known as the betrayer of the Swedes?

 

[Dead William]

Sniggers insanely. Ok, this was funny. Thanks Phargl.

DW

 

[EvilSanta]

"How did he get in here?"


Now that was awesome,made me totally burst into laugning hystery.So simple,but so funny.

 

[Cat Lord]

Really loved this one:

It is a strange feeling to end a war and still have ducats.

Cat

 

[angryclown]

"How did he get in here?"

Hey! Hands off Budivoj

 

[phargle]

So many responses! Thanks, guys.

stnlyan, the Knýtling family gets very big later on. I found them in the most unexpected places.

Cat Frightener, I'll keep writing and hopefully it'll be good work!

Dead William, if the least I can get is a cynical snicker, then my work here is done.

EvilSanta, it worked out pretty well. His name is also funny enough to be a joke by itself.

Cat Lord, weird how the ducat problems early in the game go away eventually. It's especially appropriate for the Knýtlings to have struggled so much with money that it's crazy to end a war and be in the black.

angryclown, I guess I'm not the only one who thinks the name is funny.

 

[phargle]

Conquering land so the Teutonic order can take it.

The Machiavellian Adventures of Count Valdemar

As told with many pictures. And few words.

(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)

1101 - 1103

I'm Valdemar Knýtling, the man who earns 20 ducats per month.

If my father Knud had earned 20 ducats a month, he would never have needed to get married.

He might still be alive today.

This is my uncle the king. He is not the man who earns 20 ducats a month.

Galeine of Kurs, a cowardly pagan whose principle battles have been with puberty.

The perfect enemy.

I'm sailing across the Gulf of Danzig. . . to tell Galeine not to walk my way.

My coffers are so full that I can afford to change course while still at sea.

Crrrush.

I continue to modify my bastard policy by giving Marshel Hardeknut the title of. . . heh. Hardeknut. Hee hee.

Half of that blue blob is owned by pagans. Half of it is owned by Sweden.

My inability to distinguish one from the other has fueled the rapid growth of my demesne.

The light green expanse is Uppland, which rules most of Livonia and not Uppland.

Oh dear.

Phew.


​

How will the war against the pagans progress? Will Valdemar confront Mr. Anundsson a second time? What of the Teutonic Order? Don't miss the next episode of the tale of Valdemar Knýtling when you'll hear Valdemar wonder what a complot might be - and how he'll deal with it!​

 

[GrimPagan]

The Machiavellian Adventures of Count Valdemar?

And damn those swedes, crushing defenceless pagans before Valdemar had a go.

 

[phargle]

Only a thousand screenshots to go before I catch up to the modern day. . .

The Machiavellian Adventures of Duke Valdemar

As told with many pictures. And few words.

(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)

1103

Having established a beachhead at Memel, I march on lands that adjoin my own.

Meanwhile, a fleet from Gotland pins down the pagans in Ösel.

​

Oh yes. I can think of no better way to bring civilization to the conquered pagans than by letting them be governed by a bunch of sword-wielding lunatics whose chief experience in dealing with heathens is saving their souls through aggressive decapitation.​

No, God does not will it. Go away.

Ösel receives my declaration of war. And 3,000 of my finest Gotlanders.

I guess the templars really want Memel.

Rats.

My uncle the king makes peace with Ösel a week and a half after I land.

I'm beginning to think he doesn't like me.

Of course, it can sometimes take a long time for messengers to cross the Gulf of Danzig. . .

For the love of God, no!

My armies swing through Uppland in an attempt to reach the pagan lands before the rat-bastard king wets himself in terror and sues for peace.

I don't know what a complot is, let alone a fake one.

But if it makes my vassals join my cause, I'll take a dozen.

The fact that it encouraged Hardeknut to join my cause makes me think it's some sort of prosthetic testicle.

​

Valdemar has grown in power. Is he strong enough to defeat the most powerful Baltic pagans? Can he conquer their lands before the king gives up? And what will happen when his neighbors notice his growing strength? Don't miss the terrifying new episode when a slumbering viking stirs and takes issue with Valdemar Knýtling!​