That's where Ben's (two years of...) experience as a teacher comes in...
Natural causes, I've never really decided on when exactly he was born but he died in 919 after ruling the Xaranites for over 50 years, so he was somewhere between 75 and 80.
-
We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
The Iron King's Second Conquest Begins
Jun 24th 2024:
In the days since Beijing fell to the Xaranites, soldiers were set aside to convert the Forbidden City into a size fitting the Iron King's near 10ft frame. The conversion is now complete, and Ilton could now truly admire his new capital. He sat on his throne and beckoned for his brothers and cousins to enter and receive their command posts.
First to enter was the Iron King's eldest half-brother, 32 year old Prince Xaras. "Xaras, you will be sent to conquer 'Korea'. From scanning this map, it is a realm embroiled in civil war between the monarchy in the north and peasants in the south for many decades. Therefore, it will be ripe for the taking. It has a population of around 80 million, so I will give you a million soldiers to conquer and assimilate it. Remember our custom when there."
As Prince Xaras leaves, the second eldest half-brother, 30 year old Prince Xaryl, enters. "Xaryl, you will be sent to conquer the vast north, which is called 'Siberia'. It is a sparsely populated cold region, much like the land of our ancestors before their flight caused by the Rising of the Clans and before they settled in Middle Xaran[2]. Take 250,000 soldiers, and try to enclose the people into large settlements where you can to help with assimilation. Remember our custom when there."
The other brothers and later the cousins make their way in and receive orders: Prince Xartol: Vietnam; Prince Xarhel: Taiwan; Prince Xarunon: The Western Front[3]; Cousins: Various command posts at the discretion, and under the command, of Xarunon.
"Go on."
"A group of soldiers were in Qingdao to prepare for assimilation when a teenage thug attacked the noble commander. When soldiers moved to arrest the thug, hundreds of residents came to defend him. The soldiers opened fire when the residents refused to back off, and a skirmish broke out. By the end of it, 26 soldiers were killed, and the commander gave the order to completely flatten the city and annihilate all residents. Did the commander overstep his boundaries?"
"No, they were given the option to assimilate peacefully, and they chose violence. Therefore the commander and the regiment had to fight back in self-defense. As the victims, the regiment had every right to do as they did. Inform the commander and the regiment that I wish to honour them with a public feast of celebration. And let the rest of the currently conquered as well as our future conquests hear of this, so they know what we do to those who reject assimilation with our people."
The messenger leaves and Ilton sits back on his throne, waiting for news from his relatives once they are in place to begin the conquests...
Author's Notes: 2: In their time, it would have been New Xaran, but now Beijing is New Xaran. Old Xaran is of course what the Xaranites called their original homeland before they were driven off it following the Rising of the Clans.
3: Xarunon has command over every army that will attack the 121 Kingdoms[4] (there aren't 121 armies, there's 11, 10 are commanded by cousins and 1 by Xarunon himself) and will spend some time devising their conquest strategy (the other brothers will commence their conquests much earlier as Xarunon and the cousins have to decide whether to attack one kingdom at a time or how many sub-fronts they want to open).
4: The 121 Kingdoms for the 121 playthroughs I'll be doing during this AAR.
In the days since Beijing fell to the Xaranites, soldiers were set aside to convert the Forbidden City into a size fitting the Iron King's near 10ft frame. The conversion is now complete, and Ilton could now truly admire his new capital. He sat on his throne and beckoned for his brothers and cousins to enter and receive their command posts.
First to enter was the Iron King's eldest half-brother, 32 year old Prince Xaras. "Xaras, you will be sent to conquer 'Korea'. From scanning this map, it is a realm embroiled in civil war between the monarchy in the north and peasants in the south for many decades. Therefore, it will be ripe for the taking. It has a population of around 80 million, so I will give you a million soldiers to conquer and assimilate it. Remember our custom when there."
As Prince Xaras leaves, the second eldest half-brother, 30 year old Prince Xaryl, enters. "Xaryl, you will be sent to conquer the vast north, which is called 'Siberia'. It is a sparsely populated cold region, much like the land of our ancestors before their flight caused by the Rising of the Clans and before they settled in Middle Xaran[2]. Take 250,000 soldiers, and try to enclose the people into large settlements where you can to help with assimilation. Remember our custom when there."
The other brothers and later the cousins make their way in and receive orders: Prince Xartol: Vietnam; Prince Xarhel: Taiwan; Prince Xarunon: The Western Front[3]; Cousins: Various command posts at the discretion, and under the command, of Xarunon.
**************************************
As the brothers and cousins left to prepare for their posts, a messenger arrived to relay a message to the Iron King. "Your Majesty, I bear news"."Go on."
"A group of soldiers were in Qingdao to prepare for assimilation when a teenage thug attacked the noble commander. When soldiers moved to arrest the thug, hundreds of residents came to defend him. The soldiers opened fire when the residents refused to back off, and a skirmish broke out. By the end of it, 26 soldiers were killed, and the commander gave the order to completely flatten the city and annihilate all residents. Did the commander overstep his boundaries?"
"No, they were given the option to assimilate peacefully, and they chose violence. Therefore the commander and the regiment had to fight back in self-defense. As the victims, the regiment had every right to do as they did. Inform the commander and the regiment that I wish to honour them with a public feast of celebration. And let the rest of the currently conquered as well as our future conquests hear of this, so they know what we do to those who reject assimilation with our people."
The messenger leaves and Ilton sits back on his throne, waiting for news from his relatives once they are in place to begin the conquests...
Author's Notes: 2: In their time, it would have been New Xaran, but now Beijing is New Xaran. Old Xaran is of course what the Xaranites called their original homeland before they were driven off it following the Rising of the Clans.
3: Xarunon has command over every army that will attack the 121 Kingdoms[4] (there aren't 121 armies, there's 11, 10 are commanded by cousins and 1 by Xarunon himself) and will spend some time devising their conquest strategy (the other brothers will commence their conquests much earlier as Xarunon and the cousins have to decide whether to attack one kingdom at a time or how many sub-fronts they want to open).
4: The 121 Kingdoms for the 121 playthroughs I'll be doing during this AAR.
- 2
An entire city razed because of 26 dead, resistance is futile. Some countries might consider nukes at this point, if those would even work.
I wouldn't say futile, more like in need of magic on its side...
They'd work, but there'd be so much collateral damage that those countries leaders would have to be insane.
Also, I'm putting it here because it won't come up in this story, but will in a later one (namely the Stellaris-set finale), but the Dark Lord has an armada of spaceships capable of destroying entire galaxies, so he could just escalate things by destroying the Milky Way that this Earth is contained on if they try to mess with his curse.
Jul 4th 2025:
All of the Xaranites in Beijing were invited to the feast, as were the Chinese citizens so that Ilton could keep an eye on them. Following the departure of his brothers and cousins, the most senior commander of the Beijing forces joined the King at his right-hand side. The Queen was at her husband's left, but she was not allowed to speak as Xaranite royal custom indicated. She would be also required to depart after the first course of meals to attend to her children.
The feast commenced, with the conquered Chinese citizens required to serve the Xaranite army and nobility with their delicacies, as is tradition in Xaranite culture[5]. Once the first course concluded, the Queen left and another commander took her space beside Ilton. Then the second course commenced, in which the Xaranite army served the Chinese with Xaranite delicacies, such as a broth made from goat's milk, strawberry jam and bread. However, the Xaranites didn't know of lactose intolerance[6] and were shocked to see the reactions of many Chinese citizens upon consuming the broth. The army asked Ilton if they should open fire, but he told them not to, saying "the reaction of so many indicates that these people may not be able to consume our dishes for hereditary reasons[7], not cultural".
The citizens were allowed to relieve themselves of their issues caused by the lactose intolerance, by going to bathrooms and expelling the waste by any means needed. When they returned, Ilton began his speech:
"Glorious Xaranites, esteemed Chinese, we are gathered here today to celebrate our new union of cultures. Together we will become a kingdom of warriors and scholars in equal grace, where we will all be brothers and sisters, not enemies. The recent events in your city of Qingdao indicate what we will do to those who protest our union, and to those who reject joining our union after a gracious invitation."
Ilton concluded his speech there, and the officers concurred with his warning to those who opposed him. Meanwhile, on the other side of Eurasia, two magical beings finally arrived on this Earth, just by a lake called Hafravatn, but would now have to look for a city of some kind...
Author's Notes: 5: These feasts were always done after crushing a rebellion by a conquered culture (they did this in Old Xaran before the Rising of the Clans, as well as to the Qestes after the conquest of Kingopolis), and usually a city, town or settlement was destroyed in the build up to the feast.
6: In the world the Xaranites are from, lactose intolerance only really exists among one ethnic group, the Sopkozhin[8] ('Kozhin-followers' in Kaltaian - after Tanel Kozhin, the 1st democratically elected President of Kaltai [served 1721-1742] who went on a tour of a nearby earth after the invention of faster than light technology in the 1710s) - who are mostly descended from people who moved to the world from various earths (most genealogists consider there to be multiple sub-ethnicities based on where on a particular earth they came from and where they settled).
7: As indicated in AN 6, the world the Xaranites are from is much more technologically and scientifically advanced than Earth (mainly thanks to magical beings being welcomed and celebrated by society instead of persecuted). People in the Empire knew of genetics since around the 1st century BS, and over time the rest of the world discovered the knowledge too.
8: Sopkozhin was intially the term used for anyone who supported Kozhin's policies, but mostly Kozhinite is used in modern political scholarship. This is mostly because of the policies of the Qesteconei (Knights of Qestes), who led the government of Kingopolis from 1922 until 1946. The Qesteconei implemented one of the strictest endogamy laws in history during their reign (essentially, you only counted as Qestes if at least 28 of your 32 great-great-great-grandparents were born in Kingopolis, and inter-marriage between Qestes and non-Qestes was forbidden - and similar policies were implemented by their collaborators in the early 1940s in their countries) and they used Sopkozhin, initially a term used for political followers of a Kaltaian President, as a catch-all ethnic term for anyone who could only trace their ancestry on this world as far back as the 1710s at the earliest.[9]
9: This is all I'll explain for now, but the Qesteconei will be brought up again in this story and in the CK3 story (here by a half-Sopkozhin woman we've already met - her mother is full, her father is the son of a military dictator who studied under the successors of the Qesteconei, in CK3 by the Dark Lord, who despises them for the same reasons he loves Ilton and the antagonist of the CK3 story), and potentially in the Stellaris story (if I decide that I want to tie up every loose end and leave very little unexplained, there could be some flashback scenes from the POV of the leaders of the Qesteconei, or from how the Dark Lord tried to take control of them to serve his agenda instead but failed).
All of the Xaranites in Beijing were invited to the feast, as were the Chinese citizens so that Ilton could keep an eye on them. Following the departure of his brothers and cousins, the most senior commander of the Beijing forces joined the King at his right-hand side. The Queen was at her husband's left, but she was not allowed to speak as Xaranite royal custom indicated. She would be also required to depart after the first course of meals to attend to her children.
The feast commenced, with the conquered Chinese citizens required to serve the Xaranite army and nobility with their delicacies, as is tradition in Xaranite culture[5]. Once the first course concluded, the Queen left and another commander took her space beside Ilton. Then the second course commenced, in which the Xaranite army served the Chinese with Xaranite delicacies, such as a broth made from goat's milk, strawberry jam and bread. However, the Xaranites didn't know of lactose intolerance[6] and were shocked to see the reactions of many Chinese citizens upon consuming the broth. The army asked Ilton if they should open fire, but he told them not to, saying "the reaction of so many indicates that these people may not be able to consume our dishes for hereditary reasons[7], not cultural".
The citizens were allowed to relieve themselves of their issues caused by the lactose intolerance, by going to bathrooms and expelling the waste by any means needed. When they returned, Ilton began his speech:
"Glorious Xaranites, esteemed Chinese, we are gathered here today to celebrate our new union of cultures. Together we will become a kingdom of warriors and scholars in equal grace, where we will all be brothers and sisters, not enemies. The recent events in your city of Qingdao indicate what we will do to those who protest our union, and to those who reject joining our union after a gracious invitation."
Ilton concluded his speech there, and the officers concurred with his warning to those who opposed him. Meanwhile, on the other side of Eurasia, two magical beings finally arrived on this Earth, just by a lake called Hafravatn, but would now have to look for a city of some kind...
Author's Notes: 5: These feasts were always done after crushing a rebellion by a conquered culture (they did this in Old Xaran before the Rising of the Clans, as well as to the Qestes after the conquest of Kingopolis), and usually a city, town or settlement was destroyed in the build up to the feast.
6: In the world the Xaranites are from, lactose intolerance only really exists among one ethnic group, the Sopkozhin[8] ('Kozhin-followers' in Kaltaian - after Tanel Kozhin, the 1st democratically elected President of Kaltai [served 1721-1742] who went on a tour of a nearby earth after the invention of faster than light technology in the 1710s) - who are mostly descended from people who moved to the world from various earths (most genealogists consider there to be multiple sub-ethnicities based on where on a particular earth they came from and where they settled).
7: As indicated in AN 6, the world the Xaranites are from is much more technologically and scientifically advanced than Earth (mainly thanks to magical beings being welcomed and celebrated by society instead of persecuted). People in the Empire knew of genetics since around the 1st century BS, and over time the rest of the world discovered the knowledge too.
8: Sopkozhin was intially the term used for anyone who supported Kozhin's policies, but mostly Kozhinite is used in modern political scholarship. This is mostly because of the policies of the Qesteconei (Knights of Qestes), who led the government of Kingopolis from 1922 until 1946. The Qesteconei implemented one of the strictest endogamy laws in history during their reign (essentially, you only counted as Qestes if at least 28 of your 32 great-great-great-grandparents were born in Kingopolis, and inter-marriage between Qestes and non-Qestes was forbidden - and similar policies were implemented by their collaborators in the early 1940s in their countries) and they used Sopkozhin, initially a term used for political followers of a Kaltaian President, as a catch-all ethnic term for anyone who could only trace their ancestry on this world as far back as the 1710s at the earliest.[9]
9: This is all I'll explain for now, but the Qesteconei will be brought up again in this story and in the CK3 story (here by a half-Sopkozhin woman we've already met - her mother is full, her father is the son of a military dictator who studied under the successors of the Qesteconei, in CK3 by the Dark Lord, who despises them for the same reasons he loves Ilton and the antagonist of the CK3 story), and potentially in the Stellaris story (if I decide that I want to tie up every loose end and leave very little unexplained, there could be some flashback scenes from the POV of the leaders of the Qesteconei, or from how the Dark Lord tried to take control of them to serve his agenda instead but failed).
- 3
Thank you for another chapter. I love how detailed you're making this!
Iceland is a good base. It's very isolated, so the Xaranites might not realize until much later. And maybe such a de-industrialized place has some magic left in it.
Iceland is a good base. It's very isolated, so the Xaranites might not realize until much later. And maybe such a de-industrialized place has some magic left in it.
Thank you!
It's also the place from my first playthrough for this AAR (the Han Kingdom of Xia will be next), the next post, which will introduce the true protagonist of this story, will come once I finish the Iceland playthrough (I'm just about halfway through, I'm getting through much quicker thanks to the changes I've made to the playstyle - such as abstracting the cadet branches as descendants of bastards [which gives unique-ish dynasty names, there have been 1 or 2 repeats, but it's much better than the cadet branch mod which defaults to 'de place name'] - and I'm going playing again tonight which will take me past the half-way point)
It's an Earth, so there isn't any natural magic (demon worshippers and supernatural stuff are off, I have a mod that lets me make characters immortal, but I'm only using it as a temporary measure to ensure characters that I need to live don't die prematurely), but they can still be taught!
- 1
- 1
Playthrough 1 (Norse Germanic Iceland) is complete, narrative updates will continue either later today or tomorrow (I stayed up all night doing the final 75 years of the playthrough and taking notes - dynasties in Iceland, holdings and a census of the ruling dynasty - so the timing of the update depends on how tired I am or if I try to get some sleep at all). Because a lot of the early part of the narrative from this point on will take place in Iceland, narrative updates should come after each session of gameplay I do.
- 2
Jul 6th 2025:
We arrived on the Earth two days ago, just by a lake. In those two days we walked to the capital of Island, the kingdom we landed in. Upon entering the city of Reykjavik, I asked a tour guide where I could find an authority figure. The tour guide seemed in awe at my height. Lucy whispered to me "Dad, I don't think the people here are used to seeing people as tall as you are." I am 2.5 m (8ft 2 in) tall, which is in the average height range[10] where we're from. I think the tour guide is about to call the circus when two young men call out. They're speaking Norse, which I can understand because I know over a thousand different languages. But it's strange, they're not speaking Icelandic, they're speaking Norse. The Anything told me that they're quite similar, but this is clearly Old Norse. This Earth is clearly quite different to the Earth of the central universe.
The two men talk to the tour guide and tell him that they will escort us to the palace to meet the King. Once the tour guide leaves, they introduce themselves as Prince Ivar Eirikrsson Wulfing and Gunnar Bosson Sleggja. They ask us who we are and where we came from. I tell them about our home world and how I accidently summoned the Iron King while translating a spellbook. Ivar seems in awe while Gunnar is more sceptical about it. Ivar says (in Norse, and while I can understand it, I'm considering using the shared language spell[11] so Lucy can understand) "My father was grumbling about rumours of an invasion of China, saying they deserved it for their arrogance and superiority complex."
After about an hour of walking, we arrive in the palace. Ivar talks to the chamberlain, asking to meet with the King. The chamberlain informs him that his father is currently addressing parliament and will be back in a couple of hours. Gunnar leaves to meet with someone called Astrid, leaving Lucy and I with Ivar. Ivar says that there are guest rooms in the palace that we can stay in while we're in Reykjavik. I ask him if his father would be okay with his son inviting strangers to stay in the palace, to which he responds "You're in Island. We believe in magic, that the Gods bless certain individuals with special abilities. As long as you can prove your magic to my father, he'll let you both stay."
Hours pass, and the sound of trumpets heralds the return of the King from parliament. Ivar says "It's showtime". We are waiting in the throne room. Ivar goes to assist his father, who immediately appears to have difficulties walking unaided. Ivar and three other men help the King onto his throne. He clears his throat, and says "Greetings, travelers, what brings you both to Reykjavik?" I introduce myself and Lucy to the King, and explain to him about the Iron King and how we will need help to defeat him. Klazelc won't have made it easy to defeat Ilton, but his curse will probably be possible to exploit by non-magic folk. To prove my magical abilities, I use a spell to summon a giant fish, and offer it to the King. He takes the fish and devours it in one sitting. "That was the most delicious fish I have ever eaten. You are welcome to stay as long as you need, and may introduce yourself to people to tell them about your mission." The King then dismisses us, and Ivar takes us to the guest rooms.
The guest rooms are in the west wing of the palace, while the royal family lives in the east wing, according to Ivar. He picks out a room each for Lucy and I, then offers to help with our bags. I inform him there's no need, because of magic. I utter a spell that carefully organises our bags and items in each of our rooms. Ivar looks on in awe and then leaves us. Lucy asks me how I was able to understand what they were saying, and I tell her about the shared language spell. "Can you use it, Dad? I'd like to be able to talk to people while we're here." I use the shared language spell. "You'll now be able to understand and converse with anyone on this planet."
Lucy goes to her room to go to sleep, and I stay up for a few hours planning what to do tomorrow to find people to join our mission.
"Your Highness."
"Gunnar, you don't have to do the formalities with me."
"So, Ivar, what did you do with the giants?"
"They're not giants. Well, the lady isn't..."
"Ooh, someone's got a crush! I don't think I heard her speak once, so I don't know how you'll speak to her."
"I don't have a crush! I just met her."
"I didn't say you want to marry her, just to fuck her."
"Just because yourself and Astrid can't keep your pants on when you're together, doesn't mean everything has to revolve around sex." They were probably looking for somewhere to have sex when I ran into them.
"Besides, Ivar, a woman like her probably has a boyfriend back home, maybe a husband. You don't stand a chance."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That women don't go for guys the same height as them, let alone a guy an inch shorter than them. You're 6' 1" Ivar, a 6' 2" woman probably goes for guys closer to 7 ft, especially with how tall her father is."
"She's a person, not a robot with set instructions."
"People have set instructions, it's called biology. Yours just isn't working properly."
"Gunnar, you're pushing it."
"You're so fixated on height, plenty of women throw themselves at you and you don't even consider them as options because they aren't 6 ft tall."
"And how does that mean my biology isn't working properly?"
"You're a man. Men aren't supposed to care about how tall a woman is, just whether her breasts and ass are the right size."
"Are you capable of thinking of women in any way other than sexually?"
"Of course not. That's what they're here for, well that and having children." I honestly don't know why Astrid is okay with him saying he sees her as nothing else but an object to fulfil his sexual desires.
"I think you should leave, both of you, before I call the palace guards."
Gunnar and Astrid leave, and I slump my back against a wall. He's been my best friend for as long as I remember, but he is so infuriating sometimes. Is she the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on? Yes, but that doesn't mean I'm going to think about her as anything less than a fellow human being. I knew there was no point telling Gunnar, but I don't reject those women because of their height. I reject them because they throw themselves at me. He wouldn't understand, Astrid's not his first and she definitely won't be his last with his attitude. I still haven't done anything like that. Have I always been attracted to women closer in height to myself? Yes, because I feel a major height difference is extremely uncomfortable, that it's not hard to look at someone a lot shorter and infantilise them. But he does have one point, I can't speak to her because she obviously can't speak Norse, Gunnar might not have heard her but I heard her speaking to her father in... what language was it again? I think it was English. Maybe I could try to learn English? I know Bo Sleggja, Gunnar's father, can speak some English, because he sells a lot of fish to the English. But I've never been fond of the man, because it's obvious where Gunnar gets his attitude from, just from how he leers at the maidservants when he brings fish to my father.
After a few minutes, a guard comes out, having heard parts of my argument with Gunnar. I tell him it was just an argument between friends, and that I only mentioned calling the guards so that Gunnar knew I was serious about wanting him to leave. I then go to my bedroom and fall asleep...
Author's Notes: 10 - the average height range is 6ft - 9ft. Anything higher than 9ft is considered to be gigantism, anything under 6ft is considered to be dwarfism. This'll be explained in more detail in a future post.
11 - this spell is the in universe explanation for why everyone's speaking English.
We arrived on the Earth two days ago, just by a lake. In those two days we walked to the capital of Island, the kingdom we landed in. Upon entering the city of Reykjavik, I asked a tour guide where I could find an authority figure. The tour guide seemed in awe at my height. Lucy whispered to me "Dad, I don't think the people here are used to seeing people as tall as you are." I am 2.5 m (8ft 2 in) tall, which is in the average height range[10] where we're from. I think the tour guide is about to call the circus when two young men call out. They're speaking Norse, which I can understand because I know over a thousand different languages. But it's strange, they're not speaking Icelandic, they're speaking Norse. The Anything told me that they're quite similar, but this is clearly Old Norse. This Earth is clearly quite different to the Earth of the central universe.
The two men talk to the tour guide and tell him that they will escort us to the palace to meet the King. Once the tour guide leaves, they introduce themselves as Prince Ivar Eirikrsson Wulfing and Gunnar Bosson Sleggja. They ask us who we are and where we came from. I tell them about our home world and how I accidently summoned the Iron King while translating a spellbook. Ivar seems in awe while Gunnar is more sceptical about it. Ivar says (in Norse, and while I can understand it, I'm considering using the shared language spell[11] so Lucy can understand) "My father was grumbling about rumours of an invasion of China, saying they deserved it for their arrogance and superiority complex."
After about an hour of walking, we arrive in the palace. Ivar talks to the chamberlain, asking to meet with the King. The chamberlain informs him that his father is currently addressing parliament and will be back in a couple of hours. Gunnar leaves to meet with someone called Astrid, leaving Lucy and I with Ivar. Ivar says that there are guest rooms in the palace that we can stay in while we're in Reykjavik. I ask him if his father would be okay with his son inviting strangers to stay in the palace, to which he responds "You're in Island. We believe in magic, that the Gods bless certain individuals with special abilities. As long as you can prove your magic to my father, he'll let you both stay."
Hours pass, and the sound of trumpets heralds the return of the King from parliament. Ivar says "It's showtime". We are waiting in the throne room. Ivar goes to assist his father, who immediately appears to have difficulties walking unaided. Ivar and three other men help the King onto his throne. He clears his throat, and says "Greetings, travelers, what brings you both to Reykjavik?" I introduce myself and Lucy to the King, and explain to him about the Iron King and how we will need help to defeat him. Klazelc won't have made it easy to defeat Ilton, but his curse will probably be possible to exploit by non-magic folk. To prove my magical abilities, I use a spell to summon a giant fish, and offer it to the King. He takes the fish and devours it in one sitting. "That was the most delicious fish I have ever eaten. You are welcome to stay as long as you need, and may introduce yourself to people to tell them about your mission." The King then dismisses us, and Ivar takes us to the guest rooms.
The guest rooms are in the west wing of the palace, while the royal family lives in the east wing, according to Ivar. He picks out a room each for Lucy and I, then offers to help with our bags. I inform him there's no need, because of magic. I utter a spell that carefully organises our bags and items in each of our rooms. Ivar looks on in awe and then leaves us. Lucy asks me how I was able to understand what they were saying, and I tell her about the shared language spell. "Can you use it, Dad? I'd like to be able to talk to people while we're here." I use the shared language spell. "You'll now be able to understand and converse with anyone on this planet."
Lucy goes to her room to go to sleep, and I stay up for a few hours planning what to do tomorrow to find people to join our mission.
**************************************
After dinner, I run into Gunnar again, who is taking a walk with his girlfriend Astrid in the royal garden."Your Highness."
"Gunnar, you don't have to do the formalities with me."
"So, Ivar, what did you do with the giants?"
"They're not giants. Well, the lady isn't..."
"Ooh, someone's got a crush! I don't think I heard her speak once, so I don't know how you'll speak to her."
"I don't have a crush! I just met her."
"I didn't say you want to marry her, just to fuck her."
"Just because yourself and Astrid can't keep your pants on when you're together, doesn't mean everything has to revolve around sex." They were probably looking for somewhere to have sex when I ran into them.
"Besides, Ivar, a woman like her probably has a boyfriend back home, maybe a husband. You don't stand a chance."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That women don't go for guys the same height as them, let alone a guy an inch shorter than them. You're 6' 1" Ivar, a 6' 2" woman probably goes for guys closer to 7 ft, especially with how tall her father is."
"She's a person, not a robot with set instructions."
"People have set instructions, it's called biology. Yours just isn't working properly."
"Gunnar, you're pushing it."
"You're so fixated on height, plenty of women throw themselves at you and you don't even consider them as options because they aren't 6 ft tall."
"And how does that mean my biology isn't working properly?"
"You're a man. Men aren't supposed to care about how tall a woman is, just whether her breasts and ass are the right size."
"Are you capable of thinking of women in any way other than sexually?"
"Of course not. That's what they're here for, well that and having children." I honestly don't know why Astrid is okay with him saying he sees her as nothing else but an object to fulfil his sexual desires.
"I think you should leave, both of you, before I call the palace guards."
Gunnar and Astrid leave, and I slump my back against a wall. He's been my best friend for as long as I remember, but he is so infuriating sometimes. Is she the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on? Yes, but that doesn't mean I'm going to think about her as anything less than a fellow human being. I knew there was no point telling Gunnar, but I don't reject those women because of their height. I reject them because they throw themselves at me. He wouldn't understand, Astrid's not his first and she definitely won't be his last with his attitude. I still haven't done anything like that. Have I always been attracted to women closer in height to myself? Yes, because I feel a major height difference is extremely uncomfortable, that it's not hard to look at someone a lot shorter and infantilise them. But he does have one point, I can't speak to her because she obviously can't speak Norse, Gunnar might not have heard her but I heard her speaking to her father in... what language was it again? I think it was English. Maybe I could try to learn English? I know Bo Sleggja, Gunnar's father, can speak some English, because he sells a lot of fish to the English. But I've never been fond of the man, because it's obvious where Gunnar gets his attitude from, just from how he leers at the maidservants when he brings fish to my father.
After a few minutes, a guard comes out, having heard parts of my argument with Gunnar. I tell him it was just an argument between friends, and that I only mentioned calling the guards so that Gunnar knew I was serious about wanting him to leave. I then go to my bedroom and fall asleep...
Author's Notes: 10 - the average height range is 6ft - 9ft. Anything higher than 9ft is considered to be gigantism, anything under 6ft is considered to be dwarfism. This'll be explained in more detail in a future post.
11 - this spell is the in universe explanation for why everyone's speaking English.
- 1
No Elvis on this Earth (no border changes after the start of the playthroughs - 769 - and no colonialism)
- 1
Don't worry, part 2 (in CK3) will be full of references to American pop culture (although the US President won't know who Elvis was).
- 1
Ivar seems like just the sort of helpful fellow for this quest. And Gunnar seems like the type to be an unintentional hinderance. We'll see if this time in Iceland is productive.
- 1
- 1
Jul 7th 2025:
I woke up early to greet our guests and to show them around the palace. They need to find people to join their mission, and I'm sure some of the younger guards would love to go on an adventure abroad. I reach the guest rooms and knock on the doors. Ben comes out first, followed by Lucy a few minutes later. I tell them that we should go around the palace asking guards if they'd be interested in joining the mission. Ben and Lucy agree, and for some reason I can understand every word she says. They ask me to lead the way towards the guard barracks, where there will be a couple of reservists who may join the mission instead of waiting for a serving guard to retire.
The guard barracks are located in the south wing of the palace, and have hidden tunnels that allow a guard to quickly reach both the guest rooms and the royal apartments. I knock on the door of the guard barracks, and the commander of the guard greets me. "What brings you here today, Your Highness?" he asks. I reply "Our guests would like to interview some of the reservists about joining a mission." The commander shows us to the part of the barracks where the reservists stay. Although the reservists are only required on duty as backups if there is an emergency, they are required to live in the barracks just in case there is an emergency. Therefore, the reservists should be dying to have something to do, as usually they only ever do anything when a king dies. My father, King Eirikr XXIX, has been the ruler of Island for twenty-one years, longer than I've been alive.
The commander leaves us with the reservists. We introduce ourselves and the mission. The older reservists immediately refuse, indicating they are happy to collect their salaries and act as additional security during royal funerals. The younger ones, however, are immediately interested. Five of them sign up to join the mission; Tryggve Orming, Gorm av Nordland, Refr Sognsdal, Magni Hárde and Asbjorn av Asko. Ben indicates that the mission will depart in a month's time, giving the five men time to get some additional combat training, and maybe even learn some magic. This is what convinces me to join up too. I was initially hesitant because of the adventure part, I like Island and didn't really want to leave, but learning magic is too good to turn down.
The five recruits leave to inform the commander of their resignation from the guard to take part in this mission that my father gave his blessing to. If he hadn't given his blessing, then the recruits would've had to desert their posts. Instead, they get an honourable discharge and 1 year's pay. I then ask "Can I join the mission too?" Lucy answers "Of course, it'd probably be helpful to have a prince with us as we need to get all the way to China, or at least to the Himalayas. But we might have to ask your dad if it's okay for you to go." He'll probably say yes, while I'm not exactly close with my father, it is kind of hard for him to be close to any of his children since three of them have already died in the past decade or so, and I am one of thirty-seven living children he has, but he is well known in the kingdom for his generosity with regards to requests from subjects. The only angle I could see him refusing on is a safety one.
When I next see my father, just before his supper, I ask him if I can join the mission. He accepts, and only asks when we leave. I tell him the plan is to recruit a couple more men and then leave in a month. I mention Lucy saying a prince would be useful diplomatically during the long journey, and he chuckles.
"She mustn't have heard much of this world in her home world, because if anything a prince is a diplomatic detriment here. We have long memories, and while we engage in trade, relations are still frosty. Us Vikings[12] and the Berbers of North Africa have a reputation amongst our neighbours, and those neighbours won't be too happy to see members of the ruling dynasties that once terrorised their shores. Where do you plan to go first?"
"Sweden, I thought we'd start with Norway, but Ben said Sweden is first on his list. Apparently he's written a letter to the King of Sweden, asking him to relay the information to as many kingdoms as possible."
"The Swedes have the best reputation amongst us Vikings, except with the Finns and Sami of course. The Christians of Europe even prefer the Swedes to the Normans, even though the Normans embraced the Christ-God shortly after they arrived in Neustria."
"So, what do you think I should do if I'm likely to be a diplomatic detriment?"
"Try to recruit fellow princes, not only would it add to the glory and legitimacy of the mission, the King of Sweden is less likely to be annoyed if it's another prince asking a member of his dynasty to join, rather than a random giant. He puts a lot of emphasis on proper etiquette for a Viking."
He pauses, and then adds, "And Ivar, if you're looking for more men to join in Island, you could always go to Hvamm and give the Wolf Warriors a call. Our kingdom's chapter have been longing for adventure since Eirikr XI 'the Bone-Squeezer' died in Andalusia and the Wulfings abandoned raiding."
I agree with him that while the group is still in Island, I should visit the Wolf Warriors. I've heard many great things about them, but no Wulfing has been allowed in the lodge by royal decree since the Bone-Squeezer's death nearly 800 years ago. But that's the case for all the legendary warrior lodges, not just the Wolf Warriors. Their memberships have been dwindling as most dynasties have stopped associating with them following the deaths of kings while raiding. The national chapters also were exiled from the national capitals to nearby provinces, far enough to dissuade most rebellious princes, close enough to keep an eye on if the chapter tried to launch a new raiding party.
As father's supper arrives just as we finish talking, he invites me to eat with him. While he devours his ten bowls of fish stew, I savour my single bowl. Once I finish eating, I return to Ben, Lucy and the recruits, who have been joined by a familiar face. Why is Gunnar here? He's not a fighter, he still has doubts about magic. Oh wait, I know now. He's hoping he'll be able to stop off at lots of brothels during our adventure. So much for recruiting some Wolf Warriors then, they'll take one look at Gunnar and think we're not serious. However, we have to try. Father has a point, having even one Wolf Warrior will help us greatly, as even as far away as India have the legends of the Wolf Warriors spread. I tell Ben and Lucy about the plan, and Ben says he'll train Gunnar and the other recruits while Lucy and I go to Hvamm. Lucy and I decide we'll leave for Hvamm the following morning.
Night falls, and the five former guards make their way to the guest rooms, as they can no longer stay in the barracks. They each get their own rooms. Lucy bids me good night and I return to my bedroom to go to sleep for the night...
Author's Notes: 12 - On this Earth, Viking is used to refer to anyone who follows the Germanic religion, as well as the Normans. This is because the Frisians and the Saxons also have their own chapters of the Wolf Warriors, and the Normans' habit of raiding that continued even after embracing Christianity (you'll see once the first non-Norman Catholic kingdom is introduced, that the Normans are seen as semi-Christian because they continued to raid for centuries after embracing Christianity, only stopping once the other Vikings began stopping).
I woke up early to greet our guests and to show them around the palace. They need to find people to join their mission, and I'm sure some of the younger guards would love to go on an adventure abroad. I reach the guest rooms and knock on the doors. Ben comes out first, followed by Lucy a few minutes later. I tell them that we should go around the palace asking guards if they'd be interested in joining the mission. Ben and Lucy agree, and for some reason I can understand every word she says. They ask me to lead the way towards the guard barracks, where there will be a couple of reservists who may join the mission instead of waiting for a serving guard to retire.
The guard barracks are located in the south wing of the palace, and have hidden tunnels that allow a guard to quickly reach both the guest rooms and the royal apartments. I knock on the door of the guard barracks, and the commander of the guard greets me. "What brings you here today, Your Highness?" he asks. I reply "Our guests would like to interview some of the reservists about joining a mission." The commander shows us to the part of the barracks where the reservists stay. Although the reservists are only required on duty as backups if there is an emergency, they are required to live in the barracks just in case there is an emergency. Therefore, the reservists should be dying to have something to do, as usually they only ever do anything when a king dies. My father, King Eirikr XXIX, has been the ruler of Island for twenty-one years, longer than I've been alive.
The commander leaves us with the reservists. We introduce ourselves and the mission. The older reservists immediately refuse, indicating they are happy to collect their salaries and act as additional security during royal funerals. The younger ones, however, are immediately interested. Five of them sign up to join the mission; Tryggve Orming, Gorm av Nordland, Refr Sognsdal, Magni Hárde and Asbjorn av Asko. Ben indicates that the mission will depart in a month's time, giving the five men time to get some additional combat training, and maybe even learn some magic. This is what convinces me to join up too. I was initially hesitant because of the adventure part, I like Island and didn't really want to leave, but learning magic is too good to turn down.
The five recruits leave to inform the commander of their resignation from the guard to take part in this mission that my father gave his blessing to. If he hadn't given his blessing, then the recruits would've had to desert their posts. Instead, they get an honourable discharge and 1 year's pay. I then ask "Can I join the mission too?" Lucy answers "Of course, it'd probably be helpful to have a prince with us as we need to get all the way to China, or at least to the Himalayas. But we might have to ask your dad if it's okay for you to go." He'll probably say yes, while I'm not exactly close with my father, it is kind of hard for him to be close to any of his children since three of them have already died in the past decade or so, and I am one of thirty-seven living children he has, but he is well known in the kingdom for his generosity with regards to requests from subjects. The only angle I could see him refusing on is a safety one.
When I next see my father, just before his supper, I ask him if I can join the mission. He accepts, and only asks when we leave. I tell him the plan is to recruit a couple more men and then leave in a month. I mention Lucy saying a prince would be useful diplomatically during the long journey, and he chuckles.
"She mustn't have heard much of this world in her home world, because if anything a prince is a diplomatic detriment here. We have long memories, and while we engage in trade, relations are still frosty. Us Vikings[12] and the Berbers of North Africa have a reputation amongst our neighbours, and those neighbours won't be too happy to see members of the ruling dynasties that once terrorised their shores. Where do you plan to go first?"
"Sweden, I thought we'd start with Norway, but Ben said Sweden is first on his list. Apparently he's written a letter to the King of Sweden, asking him to relay the information to as many kingdoms as possible."
"The Swedes have the best reputation amongst us Vikings, except with the Finns and Sami of course. The Christians of Europe even prefer the Swedes to the Normans, even though the Normans embraced the Christ-God shortly after they arrived in Neustria."
"So, what do you think I should do if I'm likely to be a diplomatic detriment?"
"Try to recruit fellow princes, not only would it add to the glory and legitimacy of the mission, the King of Sweden is less likely to be annoyed if it's another prince asking a member of his dynasty to join, rather than a random giant. He puts a lot of emphasis on proper etiquette for a Viking."
He pauses, and then adds, "And Ivar, if you're looking for more men to join in Island, you could always go to Hvamm and give the Wolf Warriors a call. Our kingdom's chapter have been longing for adventure since Eirikr XI 'the Bone-Squeezer' died in Andalusia and the Wulfings abandoned raiding."
I agree with him that while the group is still in Island, I should visit the Wolf Warriors. I've heard many great things about them, but no Wulfing has been allowed in the lodge by royal decree since the Bone-Squeezer's death nearly 800 years ago. But that's the case for all the legendary warrior lodges, not just the Wolf Warriors. Their memberships have been dwindling as most dynasties have stopped associating with them following the deaths of kings while raiding. The national chapters also were exiled from the national capitals to nearby provinces, far enough to dissuade most rebellious princes, close enough to keep an eye on if the chapter tried to launch a new raiding party.
As father's supper arrives just as we finish talking, he invites me to eat with him. While he devours his ten bowls of fish stew, I savour my single bowl. Once I finish eating, I return to Ben, Lucy and the recruits, who have been joined by a familiar face. Why is Gunnar here? He's not a fighter, he still has doubts about magic. Oh wait, I know now. He's hoping he'll be able to stop off at lots of brothels during our adventure. So much for recruiting some Wolf Warriors then, they'll take one look at Gunnar and think we're not serious. However, we have to try. Father has a point, having even one Wolf Warrior will help us greatly, as even as far away as India have the legends of the Wolf Warriors spread. I tell Ben and Lucy about the plan, and Ben says he'll train Gunnar and the other recruits while Lucy and I go to Hvamm. Lucy and I decide we'll leave for Hvamm the following morning.
Night falls, and the five former guards make their way to the guest rooms, as they can no longer stay in the barracks. They each get their own rooms. Lucy bids me good night and I return to my bedroom to go to sleep for the night...
Author's Notes: 12 - On this Earth, Viking is used to refer to anyone who follows the Germanic religion, as well as the Normans. This is because the Frisians and the Saxons also have their own chapters of the Wolf Warriors, and the Normans' habit of raiding that continued even after embracing Christianity (you'll see once the first non-Norman Catholic kingdom is introduced, that the Normans are seen as semi-Christian because they continued to raid for centuries after embracing Christianity, only stopping once the other Vikings began stopping).
- 2
Older reservists clearly did not have this last piece of information before refusing...
- 1
Well Gunnar doesn't exactly know for sure if he'll be allowed to, or if he'll get left in Sweden if he tries.
- 1
Ivar is lucky Eirikr is such an understanding father. I could see a version of this where he has to sneak out and abandon his royal titles.
So we have five recruits plus Ivar and Gunnar so far? A good band of warriors! But there's a long way to go yet. Some will die or give up before the end.
So we have five recruits plus Ivar and Gunnar so far? A good band of warriors! But there's a long way to go yet. Some will die or give up before the end.
- 1
Definitely.
Yes, there's definitely a long way to go, China is a long way from Iceland. Some of the recruits may die, but that's a sacrifice Ben has to be willing to make to defeat Ilton.
- 1