Just like uppity peasants to disrupt a most perfectly run campaign to Suenik by the Sea.
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Is Grigor the son of Toros or Oshin? Have you looked at location of Syunik province in relation to remainder of modern Armenia? (Used a Suenik cartographer.) You have a child ruler with a heir who has non-dynastic. He needs to make babies! (I had same situation in Avon, mine inherited at 11, fathered child at 41.) Good Luck! Thank you for the update.
Egyptian exclave is trying to absorb Suenik exclave! What religion is Egypt?
Egyptian exclave is trying to absorb Suenik exclave! What religion is Egypt?
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When is a good question. But not the top priority, I would have led with how, swiftly followed by why.
I did wonder why Bagour was keen to fight over it, but then I realised Suenik-by-Sea has thus far brought mostly defeats, Egyptian Armies and revolts. That part of the world even grows pomegranates. All it needs is peasants making strange demands about cats and it would be fully integrated into Suenik. Definitely worth fighting over to the last drop of peasant blood.
National Motto right there.
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I don't like this Bagour guy but he better keep the ship steady until the boy king comes of age, then there'll be the matter of producing a heir. Suenik on sea sounds like a great place so maybe he'll be the lord of there in the long run and deal with all the craziness of Middle East
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Yeah. When I saw the "HAHAHA. I'M NOW REGENT!" message, my thought was "You really want this job???"You know, at first I thought that Bag guy Bagour was just crazy for fearing a child, but I’m starting to think he might be on to something.
That doesn’t change the fact he, rather hilariously, brought most of what happened in this update on himself; because he’s still a jerk.
Yup - if it wasn't for them this would be sheer military perfection...
He's Toros' son. I think he was born LITERALLY as Toros was on his death bed... Oshin HAD a son but he passed away. I can't actually remember why - I think it was probably consumption. So many people died of consumption back then... I probably missed the "You have a new heir" message in amongst the mountain of "All these people have died!" messages.
I have. There are big chunks of Armenia that are sadly out of reach thanks to those Timurids...
Oooh. A 30 year gap - that's rough! I have to admit, when you get the "non dynastic heir" message and you have a child ruler, it makes for extremely tense gameplay.
Predictably, it's Catholic...
Exactly! It's a veritable paradise! "Hey, have you guys heard of Consumption? It's all the rage in Suenik! Here *coughs*. You're welcome!"
"Suenik! Suneik! 'tis for thee! Oh! Come! On!" </national anthem>National Motto right there.
Yeah, because the powder keg that is the middle east REALLY needs Suenik added to the mix. It would certainly confuse the Crusaders.I don't like this Bagour guy but he better keep the ship steady until the boy king comes of age, then there'll be the matter of producing a heir. Suenik on sea sounds like a great place so maybe he'll be the lord of there in the long run and deal with all the craziness of Middle East
CRUSADERS: "Let's get that new realm!"
SUENIK: "Wait! We're not muslims!"
C: "Are you Catholic?"
S: "It depends on who's advising our rulers. Can we say 'sometimes'?"
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CHAPTER 47 - HERE'S A SCRUBBING BRUSH, SUNSHINE...
SUENIK RELOADED
CHAPTER 47 - HERE'S A SCRUBBING BRUSH, SUNSHINE...
(1247-1256)
CHAPTER 47 - HERE'S A SCRUBBING BRUSH, SUNSHINE...
(1247-1256)
As the flower of Suenikian manhood desperately rushes home from newly liberated Suenik-on-Sea, the rebellious peasants continue to contribute to my ever rising blood pressure.
However, I have nothing to worry about. They've learned past lessons of being properly prepared when crossing mountainous desert terrain (mostly) and arrive in (fairly) good health, and set about putting the upstart peasants to the sword.
It is glorious.
Almost as glorious as the now-traditional "slaughtering more Egyptians in front of the castle homecoming parade now with extra blood" is.
There is much cheering, rejoicing and general merry making.
Naturally, as the architect of this glorious, generation-defining victory, I deserve a little celebration of my own.
In fact, I'm in such a good mood, I pack the brat off to have a celebration of his own. The sanctimonious little shit even spouts some nonsense about how he is grateful to me as a true leader has no character if he doesn't know his people. Apparently when he lets go of what he is, he can become what he might be. Whatever, shorty - piss off and eat cake with the peasants that were trying to kill you a few months ago.
Oh. What's that I can hear? The crack of thunder? There was a torrential downpour?
Oh. What's that? You got really, really cold and now you feel unwell? Oh dear oh dear oh dear.
Maybe this is you "becoming what you could be"...
I have a little celebration in honour of this "tragic" turn of events.
Sadly, Nehilai proves to be a massive spoilsport by bringing me the "good news" that his majesty is merely suffering from the common cold.
Dismayed that my royal charge isn't in fact dying of pneumonia, I turn my mind back to the war, and receive the fantastic news that my forces have arrived in Egyptian territory and are busy tearing down some castle walls.
I ignore the news that says "By the way, we fared REALLY badly on that trek across the desert. Again."
Thankfully, my casual indifference to the suffering of my people does nothing to dampen their spirits, and before I know it the castle of Tripoli is in my hands...
...wait.
What?
Tripoli?
I summon the royal cartographers, and they assure me that there is no mistake.
Who knew?
Following this devastating victory, the Sultan (or whatever he is calling himself these days) decides to peace out.
Apparently he has "more pressing matters on his hands".
I play this out for the great victory it is, without having to state that I'm pretty sure our army wouldn't survive the trek from Suenik to Egypt proper. It seems like Suenikian soldiers wilt like the delicate little flowers they are when exposed to the sun. Either that, or a good half of them are vampires...
None the less, I have a little celebration of my own. At the end of the day, it's not everyone that can claim to have fought a war to a meaningless conclusion over the course of years and at the cost of thousands of their countrymen's lives is it?
In other news, it appears that the righteous little monster that I'm standing in for has recovered.
Yay.
In fact, these days he appears so hale and hearty that he is doubling down on the righteousness, thanks to some misplaced advice from a rather confused relative...
It also appears the one of the Gardman-Agbhania clan has achieved a rare honour that no other member of that festering lineage has managed before.
I'm also willing to bet any sum of money (of which I have quite a fair bit now, thank you very much) that I can comfortably append "...and never will again" to that last statement.
I then find out what the "more pressing business" that the former Sultan of Egypt was waffling on about was...
Did he change religion mid war with me or something??? Maybe he was dealing with the Egyptian equivalent of all those Greeks and Catholics that kept trying to get King Artashes to come around to their way of thinking?
Some years pass and, glory of glories, the dynastic crisis is resolved!
It appears that Artashes' first-born-girl-child died, which means that it's Artashes' second-born-girl-child who is next in line to the throne. Unlike her sister who was wedded to the King of England, this one ended up in a marriage to some Baltic chief and, like most Suenikian women, was forceful enough to insist that all children be of her lineage.
Oh which she has none.
And she's no spring chicken.
None the less, I celebrate this turn of events in the only way I know how.
That pomegranate wine really is delicious.
What is less delicious, however, is how TRULY, UTTERLY, SICKENINGLY INSUFFERABLE Grigor is becoming!
The boy has so much to learn. There are certain traits that are considered classically Suenikian for rules. Just thinking out loud here, but things like insane, arbitrary, callous and vengeful - all of these are considered comfortingly familiar attributes for a King of Suenik to have. The people know where they are with that sort of ruler. Kind though?
It will never catch on.
There will be riots.
More riots than there are normally, that is.
I'll tell you what IS classically Suenikian though... The ol' "give with one hand and take away and punch you in the face with the other" switcheroo. Steward Hethum appears to have mastered this.
Seeing it done like that is pure poetry.
The months trundle by, and we receive news that Princess Berjouhi has passed. Guess what of? Those of you who have been following our tale closely should have no trouble guessing. For the rest of you, it was - drumroll please - consumption!
Our new heir-in-waiting-should-anything-happen-to-the-brat is, I believe, former-King-Oshin-may-he-rest-in-peace's sister.
Or something like that.
It's pretty hard to keep track of, given that monarchs here tend to have lifespans equivalent to those of mayflies.
Speaking of which, Grigor's pontificating, charity and near constant smile have just about pushed me over the edge.
Which gives me an idea for a fifteenth birthday present...
Yes, your majesty. It's called a ladder. Would you care to try it out?
As a wise man once said, events like this breed character.
Will Grigor survive his jaunt on the roof? Will Suenik ever have a male heir? Has Bagour gone too far? Find out on the next exciting episode of Suenik Reloaded!
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There’s nothing I can say about this chapter that doesn’t involve me violently cussing out Bagour.
Except that I retract my previous statement about him having a reasonable fear of Grigor. If charity and smiling sets him off, then clearly Bag guy and I have vastly different ideas about terrifying.
Except that I retract my previous statement about him having a reasonable fear of Grigor. If charity and smiling sets him off, then clearly Bag guy and I have vastly different ideas about terrifying.
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It's good to be The Regent (at least until the little brat comes of age...if he comes of age.)
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QUICK NOTE: because there were questions, I've added the length of reign for each monarch to the contents page. Look at that - me saving you from having to do basic maths
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Does the Bagman have his bags of money packed for when he is no longer in charge and an audit is ordered? I am impressed that Grigor made it to fifteen with a regent that was his mortal enemy. Thank you for clarifying that Grigor was Oshin's brother not his son. Thank you for the update.
Oops, I somehow managed to get way behind and am now in catch-up mode. But in the spirit of both Suenik and this AAR, I shall not let either a stuff-up nor the passage of time dull my appreciation, so be prepared for some retrocommentAARy.
How un-Suenikian. This will not stand.
Nor shall it.
Lord Artashes ‘Flashheart’: WOOF!
It makes one want to laugh and cry simultaneously: sounds like a metaphor for their marriage.
GOOD GOD!
Nersch is lucky he got out of that with his lusty manhood uncompromised.
Nor Ishkhan.
Character building to refrain from joining (nor joining with) Ishkhan.
Uh oh. Everyone saw that coming from 3,000 miles away except for Flashheart Airhead!
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Tripoli, which means 3 cities, exist in 3 different places 1 in Libya 1 in Lebanon and 1 in Greece (Morea I guess)
I hope he rules until he's 80, finally a balanced ruler is coming but I know some ill will befall him sooner than later
Oh. Come. On.
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Haha. I'm glad he's had that effect.
That's the big IF here...
Grigor has done extremely well to survive this long! Bagour is NOT a nice guy...
Not a problem - happy to have you on board, and I'm enjoy your retrospective replies. GOOD MAN!
You can have your "Royal Scribe of Suenik" badge back if you'd like?
Well, we'll have to see if he gets to rule first. That is a VERY slippery roof after all the rain.
There's the national motto again.
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CHAPTER 48 - THESE TILES ARE VERY SLIPPY!
SUENIK RELOADED
CHAPTER 48 - THESE TILES ARE VERY SLIPPY!
(1256-1258)
CHAPTER 48 - THESE TILES ARE VERY SLIPPY!
(1256-1258)
Woah!
Careful now!
One foot at a time...
God, this is high.
Don't think about the height and you'll...
AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!
*THUD*
...
Phew.
Thought I was done for there.
Cleaning pigeons droppings from the roof is dangerous work.
When I slipped there, I swear I thought I was going to fall.
Good job it was only my brush that fell and not me!
I hope it didn't hit anyone on the way down.
Just to be sure, I wave to the folks in the courtyard and yell "Sorry!"
I'm rewarded with a series of thumbs up from those in the courtyard.
Good.
I'd have hated to have hurt anyone.
Those are my people - I have a duty to them.
I climb down from the ladder, pick up the brush and thrust it into Bagour's hands. Without another look at him, I walk off into the castle.
I've got a coronation to organise.
I bid Bagour farewell and, just to be on the safe side, I remove him as spymaster. He can offer all the platitudes that he wants, but the man's a menace.
I know what you're all thinking - "this is the part where the ruler of Suenik indulges in some sadistic whim and feeds Bagour to the pirañas or throws him down a well or something".
No.
Suenik has had enough of that nonsense.
I want to build a legacy that will last the test of time. A firm foundation for future generations that will see the kingdom of Suenik become a respected and serious player in the region. I want my people to be healthy, wealthy and safe.
Speaking of which, the first item on the agenda following the coronation is a marriage. However, unlike other rulers who see marriage as an excuse to land them a pretty piece of arm-candy, or a chance to get a claim on a rival's territory, I'm going to put the well-being of all the people of the realm above my own satisfaction.
The biggest threat to Suenik right now is the Mongols. They are parked right on our door step, and history has proven that our armies are no match for theirs. Therefore, I have my scribes send my glad tidings to the Middle Kingdom.
My duty is to cement my dynasty and protect my people. Personal happiness? Completely secondary. People talk about the divine right to rule, without mentioning the fact that it comes with an equally divine duty to the people that you're ruling.
Speaking of which, Bagour has made a complete pig's ear of my demesne. I'll give the man the benefit of the doubt - he was fighting a major war and putting down revolts for years - but none the less, I have far too many titles and responsibilities to manage effecitvely.
I look around for capable men, and find one in my bastard uncle Reinhard. Don't let the German name fool you - Reinhard has recently declared himself to be fully and properly Armenian. That, however, doesn't bother me. He's loyal, he's capable and he's family - conceits of wedlock aside. He will be perfect to help me shoulder my burden of rulership.
The weeks rush by, and before I know it my wedding is here. As celebrations go, it is extravagant, and the day passes in a whirlwind of platitudes, praise and well-wishes from the great and the good of the land.
I, however, ignore all this pomp and pageantry. Afterwards people talk about my noble bearing and cool composure, but they have me all wrong. I am simply not paying attention to the swirl of courtly window dressing that surrounds me.
I only have eyes for my new wife, Checheyigen.
She is simply...incredible. I went into this marriage simply hoping for a period of peace and security for the kingdom, but here I have found something far more. My new queen - this shy, demure creature - is far more than her unassuming manner suggests. Other kings simply want a woman who will bear them children, but I have found something far better.
My queen will be my partner in rulership.
My equal.
Together, we will forge ideas that will chart the course of this nation's destiny.
She is incredible.
Inspired, I put pen to paper and start chronicling the new history of Suenik. I have no doubt that in the future my reign will be seen as the start of something great - something momentous. If I can do my part to help future scholars then so be it.
The weeks pass so quickly. Checheyigen fills my every moment with joy. I sit and listen - rapt - as she tells me of her people and her culture. The Mongols are far more than the marauding barbarians that we paint them as. I now have a finer appreciation for my wife's people, and I am grateful for it.
She is incredible.
What is also incredible is the announcement that the Necropolis of Suenik is finally completed!
The opening ceremony is slightly awkward as we all stand around and talk about the majesty of this "new" building...which we all know has been in use for at least as long as I have been alive. As we tour it, we casually ignore the three kings already interred there.
None the less, it is a good time to be alive. I make good on my promise to the common people of the land, and I spend time - advised by Checheyigen of course - working to improve their lot, and it shows.
No wars or glory seeking - my rule is all about peace, prosperity and justice.
Therefore, when Mayor Hethum behaves like an animal at my winter feast, I have him imprisoned.
Right to rule does not equate to tyranny. My lords would do well to remember this.
Checheyigen's philosophy of "leading by example" appears to be paying off, and I find that Duke Ishkan appears to be following not only my example, but that of his illustrious ancestor, the beatified Duke Neresh who so recently - and tragically - left us. By helping out the common people of the land, they pass on some of that profits to us.
I also seek to put an end to the atmosphere of conspiracy and deceit that Bagour and his ilk seemed to take such delight in fostering. Rather than having my enemies killed in spectacular, elaborate and painful ways, I simply move them to where they can no longer cause me problems.
All this busy work though... It seems to be taking its toll on me.
Nehilai - ever serious, and ever practical - suggests that I take things easy.
Checheyigen assures me that if things become too difficult for me she will happily run things in my absence. Now, I know what you're all thinking "Here comes the black widow - ready to take everything from poor Grigor." Dispel that thought! My incredible queen is not some Suenikian harpy, with a lust for power and wealth. She is a noble, kind soul with the best interests of the kingdom - and her husband - at heart.
I'm thankful for such a companion, when life decides to make it quite clear to me a few days later that I'm perhaps not following Nehilai's "taking it easy" instructions as closely as I should.
I can take a hint.
I retire to the royal bedchambers where Checheyigen and I commission some upgrades to the Necropolis to bring further glory to our kingdom...
...and then celebrate our hardwork in spectacular style.
Unfortunately, this really doesn't seem to agree with me...
...and Nehilai comes to me with some spectacular bad news.
Yes.
I know what you're thinking (I say that a lot, don't I?).
Consumption - the bane of Suenik.
Consumption - the disease that cuts through our rulers like a hot knife through butter.
Consumption - the universal equaliser.
Relax.
I don't have consumption.
OH COME ON! Are we looking at another "mayfly" king? Does Checheyigen really have the best interests of the realm at hand? Will all Grigor's hard work and struggles be for naught? Find out on the next exciting episode of Suenik Reloaded!
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Suenik seems incapable of letting good things happen to good people without then violently punching those people in the metaphorical gut.
.
I am happy that my outburst of frustration has given Suenik a new motto
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I already miss Bagour, sure he was light fingered, overly obsessed with Suenik-by-Sea and was a terrible regent. But at least he knew what was required to run Suenik. If this Pneumonia does indeed result in Grigor joining his ancestors in the Necropolis it will probably be for the good... well not of the kingdom but certainly for the good of the readers.
I am torn on Checheyigen. On the one hand things are being teased at that I would like to know. But on the other hand her hat does look very 90s Madchester, so I've already decided she has a manc accent and that sort of swaggering attitude. So when she inevitably doesn't I will be slightly sad.
I am torn on Checheyigen. On the one hand things are being teased at that I would like to know. But on the other hand her hat does look very 90s Madchester, so I've already decided she has a manc accent and that sort of swaggering attitude. So when she inevitably doesn't I will be slightly sad.
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Come on - you've followed this AAR for a while - you must be well aware of this phenomena by now.
You should try playing as Suenik - this is my reaction almost every five minutes. But yes - you voiced it, and now it's the national motto!I am happy that my outburst of frustration has given Suenik a new motto
Ha! Great minds! When I saw it I thought "Oooh. That's a bit Shaun Ryder" but I thought that working that in might break character some what. I can really see Grigor being a massive Charlatans fan...
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Do we have Baby yet? In the most Suenikian moment ever, Grigor will croak one day before SuperBabyMomma delivers SuperBaby. SBM & SB will be exiled to her roots. SuperBaby will become Mongol Khagan and raze Suenik to the ground. East Tripoli is not a problem. Imagine playing as an Albanian and finding that Albania province is not on the shores of the Adriatic but rather in CK's version of hell, the Caucasus Mountains. Thank you for the update.
take that, bag!
I hope she's fertile as well, we need a heir yesterday
a genius Borjigin with crazy stats? he couldn't have landed a better one
phew
oH cOME oN!!!!
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I was suspect when the post began that things were not as they seem. Especially as you start it with a fake out. Even the new wife with the trendy hat that Grigor falls head over heals for...hmmm. Good cliffhanger!
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