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Long Text answer: (quite self-indulgent, perhaps only of interest to those interested in the ttrpg, or of no interest at all):
When I was at university I did a lot of tabletop rpg, got drawn into Vampire the Masquerade through a group that had a long-running homebrew LARP system running, ran a couple of short and one rather lengthy “Dark Age” (ie mediaeval) tabletop campaign, and yes … the above pictures show the result.
My original HoI2 AAR idea, of which I have already mentioned, had two elements. One was baseball, and VtM was going to be the other. I think it was a good idea, but it never got beyond being an idea. Also I was losing the thread. Moving had stopped me gaming, and I didn’t like the concept of what is now called the Chronicles of Darkness line of games.
Then a few years ago I started to get the vampire-bug again. I’ve slowly been acquiring a mixture of second hand and digital copies (mostly from Drive Thru RPG). Nothing 5th Edition, because just like with CoD the re-envisioning of the game doesn’t work for me. Unfortunately no actual gaming, so I started to turn to AAR thoughts once again. I was thinking of a CK2 campaign, but I also had some HoI4 campaigns I wanted to do. Not from the point of view of people always directly involved in events, but as a background. Eventually - and it is ridiculous how long it took, I did the obvious and fused the two together.
Of course, these days Paradox actually owns White Wolf and this entire IP, which makes a slightly meta echo.
One of the aspects of the White Wolf line of games that I especially liked was what was frequently called The Golden Rule. Essentially it ran like this: play your game your way. They set out the “official” version, but in so many places in their sourcebooks they encouraged people to build on and alter the official products.
And so I have done. This is very much based on the World of Darkness, but it is my World of Darkness, if that makes sense. There are canon characters and circumstances (we have already encountered a few), but there are also changes. There are some choices and parts of White Wolf’s world design that I am personally not so enamoured with, and some areas I thought were lost opportunities. This AAR is a chance for me to explore, develop, and indulge some of these ideas.
However, I also wanted to try and think carefully about the perspective of this world. As a table-top player one tends to discuss things slightly mechanically, or in an overtly affected manner (I suspect I would do a better job now at 40 than I did at 20, but I am sure I would still do it). Indeed, it is unavoidable to some extent when describing actions, or relying on dice rolls to resolve certain actions. Our characters are reduced to a sequence of words and numbers (or dots for most World of Darkness games) on a character sheet.
In “real life” however there are a whole raft of structural aspects of our lives that hardly get mentioned in most conversations, because the people involved in those conversations know them. Also, both in real life and within this world, people are often operating under various states of ignorance; or where they have knowledge it is limited, partial, misleading, and very possibly false. Between these two facets it allows a writer the opportunity to slowly reveal the world.
The point is revelation of the world, not concealment after all
Going forward will happily discuss any questions about all of this as they crop up in the course of the story, though I may defer some to a more appropriate point of course. Equally, if no one is interested I won’t be offended
Does any of this really matter? Probably not, I am sure. But I decided some time ago that once someone asked the direct question I wanted to give a full answer if, I realise, a somewhat rambly one.
A very interesting and enlightening answer.
I play D&D +-once a month. Got hooked by a friend I've known since middle school, after we both became young adults. I did some Shadowrun, which I liked a lot, but as it is a lot of work for the DM, we don't do it anymore. Started in D&D 4, now D&D 5. We also did a campaign in the Deadlands setting.
I know my friend did at least one WoD-campaign during his university years, I think with the Vampires. Personally I doubt I'd like it very much, as it's apparently a very social-oriented rpg, rather than a combat-oriented one. I am just a sucker for some good combat, although that might be because I am quite socially inept and thus lack some skill, experience and interest in and for social roleplaying.
As for your negative mood, I hope you find the sunny side of life again soon. It is indeed important to talk about it, because it is the only way it might get better. I know I should do it myself. I've had quite a troubled youth which has had serious repercussions on my adult life.