Ged's Existential Nightmare

[TheButterflyComposer]

Honestly, that's secretly brilliant. The occasional nudge to remind me that "Yes you can do that" or "Keep an eye on this" is far more helpful than VIR's frequent interruptions and longwinded explanations. That tutorial robot has caused me to outlaw AI by instinct whenever I boot up Stellaris.

I would say there's roughly about a hundred years worth or three characters worth of tutorial that shows up, before it dies down (almost) completely. It is a good system, yes.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Have a look:

Crusader Kings 3 Dev Diary #53 - Northern Lords Content Rundown

Crusader Kings 3 Dev Diary #53 - Northern Lords Content Rundown Welcome comrades, to a very odd diary for me to be writing! Today, we’re going to be taking a look at what new scripted content we’ve added for CK3: the Northern Lords, and, since...

forum.paradoxplaza.com

Welcome comrades

The 'juniorest' of the devs, called Wokeg, is also baby's first socialist.

Hmm.

Tackling the Norse was always going to be an interesting affair, since, mechanically, they’re pretty well covered for many things already, though most especially warfare and raiding.

This is why they will go to hell for lying.

When leading raiding expeditions, rulers with the longboats innovation may occasionally get events allowing them to stop and trade with the locals. This gives them some loot, and a ceasefire with their target (or their target’s liege) if accepted.

Good addition on both sides. The annoyance of constant raiders in a powerful, centralised and stable realm with coastal regions that can barely be sieged out by vikings...now gone. Hopefully.

I really didn’t anticipate how much both QA and the public would enjoy getting more complex raiding options, though, and if I could go back and expand on any one feature, man, this’d be it.

Why else would anyone play the vikings if not for raiding?

One thing that the Swedish AI really, really loves to do in the base title is collect holiday homes. Ireland, France, Spain, Sardinia, Stoke-on-Trent… if it’s vaguely near a coast, Sweden wants a piece of that action. Preferably just a small piece. For the collection.

This is quite true. Sweden as seen in this AAR have a holiday home in Anglesey. They relocate to South Wales after a while but they never develope or expand much. I think this is pretty spot on insight on their own AI. Well done.

As lords in Scandinavia lose their last holding, they’re added to a pile of other such rulers, from which we select someone every X years. Then, looking down a list of major areas of Norse colonial interest (two lists, technically: one for the west, one for the east), we check to see how the Norse are doing. If we find somewhere in the lists where the Norse presence is either gone or else negligible, we grab one of our landless Scandinavian warlords and send them off to conquer anew.

Should lead to interesting maps without ugly maps, the goal of every paradox game.

the Apocalyptic Scandinavian Adventurers game rule

Zombie mode confirmed. I told you so MrCapiatlist.

several perfectly sane settings and one that leads to mass border-gore and terrifying Viking emigres marauding across Europe.

Let the modders get their teeth into this one...

the weighting system for selecting adventurers also prioritises player relations, meaning that, if you’re playing within Scandinavia and throw a rival out of their lands entirely, you may not have quite seen the last of ‘em...

Now that could be fun indeed. Someone needs to do an AAR where that happens, repeatedly. Like a Saturday morning cartoon (from before I was born).

the monsters that the smallfolk tell themselves stalk the forests at night...

The dreaded moose. Not sure Ged can outwrestle one of them.

an explorer fresh from the depths of the Atlantic

Fluff, but interesting.

we wanted the Jomsvikings to be, basically, bastards.

They’re religious fundamentalists and they’re unhappy that no one is quite as serious as them about the old ways: everyone’s either in a rush to reform, which is heresy, or a rush to convert away, which is apostasy.

They take it on themselves to roam the Baltic and other areas, rewarding the pious and stealing from literally everyone else, and will continue making a nuisance of themselves against all comers until Jomsberg itself is burnt to the ground.

Lovely.

Shieldmaidens

They're back, and much the same as in CK2. Uses the knight leveling mechanisms, so can get pretty strong.

Needless to say, we’re also quite happy to be bringing gender-neutral shieldmaidenry to CK for the first time with the alternate version, the shieldswain, accessible for female-dominated Norse pagans.

This is quite good too. More AAR fodder.

Secure the High Kingdom of the North Sea

what Canute the Great could no

Our portrayal of the High Kingdom is thus very much alternate history, but it’s still somewhat plplausible.

Unreformed tribals get an easy conversion to feudalism and a modifier that not only helps them live long enough to use it, it makes it so that you lose minimal power transitioning out of tribal.

Reformed pagans get a modifier that makes it markedly easier to convert other reformed faiths, letting them propagate their faith around the realm with impunity.

Everyone else gets a strong hook on every powerful vassal with a positive opinion of them which is, understandably, both profitable and stabilising.

Needless to say, no matter which path you go, you get a cool nickname.

Very powerful decision. England (including Cornwall), Denmark and the hebrides. And Ross, just for a bit of border gore.

choose where the heart of the Rus’ truly lays, setting the de jure capital for Russia

Now that is a fascinating option. Annoying that there is no EUIV port to see the effects of that throughout the centuries.

Elevate the Kingdom of Mann & the Isles​

Oh boi, have I seen some mixed opinions on this’un! Elevating Mann gives you so many bonuses scattered all over the place, most of them extremely good, and it’s easily one of the more powerful decisions in the title (which, given it has to catch the Isle of Mann up as a major world player, it sorta has to be). Your whole dynasty gets to raid for a hundred years despite it making you feudal (something we otherwise heavily restrict), you get a large pirate army with many free Men-at-Arms, you get lots of renown, and the Isle of Mann is made into an absolute powerhouse of a cocounty.

This grants insane perks. Building on Mann costs fifty percent less, and build time is rescued by 200%!!!

Build tall indeed. The one island will be outproducing the entire continent with those numbers.

even rulers not of the faith can hold great blots to please their blot-faith vassals and lands, though they must be careful not to upset their co-faithists. Particularly if they plan to indulge the blot’s most vicious customs.

Hilarious.

TbCs!

Shit, theyve found me! I'll be back in touch once I deal with the-

 

[DensleyBlair]

This is quite true. Sweden as seen in this AAR have a holiday home in Anglesey. They relocate to South Wales after a while but they never develope or expand much. I think this is pretty spot on insight on their own AI. Well done.

My favourite part about this is the idea that Stoke-on-Trent is vaguely near the coast.

Other than that, this all sounds very fun and makes me feel like I should maybe buy CK3 soon…

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Now then, it has been some time, has it not dearest readers?

I return to CK3 to find it rather changed from launch, with even more outlandish Headgear and capes to wear, and the culture and religion tabs expended put quite a bit.

Of most interest, of course, is our beloved Ireland. Not only has the map and culture been changed about to some degree, but PTM has been busy updating the tutorial (I am frankly astounded that paradox are capable of updating a tutorial for any of their games...).

This of course begs the question: what of Ged in this new and glorious new era of fur coats and papal hats? Well, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure...but if the interest is there, I would be quite willing to investigate CK3 after nearly a full year of being out.

There are some things to settle first:

A) is there interest in dragging Ged back from oblivion into the Existential Nightnare from which he can never truly escape?

B) If so, do we do the tutorial again with our old 'friend' PTM, or do we crack open the character creator and start fiddling with Ged's DNA and personality?

C) If the latter, feel free to throw requests for 'helpful' additions for Ged's makeup. The creator tool unlike in CK2 is pretty indepth and unlimited in application, provided you don't care about achievements, which we do not in this run.

If this is something people like/want, I can make this a yearly thing of briefly reviving Ged, dumping him into the latest patch and watching him squirm. I can't think of a better way to chart the history of CK3, to be honest...

 

[Nikolai]

Sounds lovely. For anyone not Ged, of course.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Sounds lovely. For anyone not Ged, of course.

Well you never know. Coin flipping or reader intervention may give him genius or otherwise good traits. On the other hand, my readers may also want as much suffering as possible so...

One of the best things about CK3 is of course, the handsome trait bears no relation to the physical character model. We can make a little purple alien man and convince everyone he is sex on two legs.

 

[Nikolai]

Well you never know. Coin flipping or reader intervention may give him genius or otherwise good traits. On the other hand, my readers may also want as much suffering as possible so...

One of the best things about CK3 is of course, the handsome trait bears no relation to the physical character model. We can make a little purple alien man and convince everyone he is sex on two legs.

I can already envision that. Sexy alien man-woman with horse tail, all groovy, delicious and oh so good smelling.

I can assure you my Polish AAR will not compete with that, though.

 

[DensleyBlair]

We can make a little purple alien man and convince everyone he is sex on two legs.

I vote for purple alien Ged

 

[Cora Giantkiller]

Same! I want to see Marvin the Mart... I mean Ged.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

I can already envision that. Sexy alien man-woman with horse tail, all groovy, delicious and oh so good smelling.

I can assure you my Polish AAR will not compete with that, though.

I've already made a few little freaks. I'll have to see what I can do now...of course, we can make it worse by adding on negative traits like one eye or albino, but that might take away from the general stat attraction thing you're shooting for.

Wonder if it's possible to make a really short giant?

I vote for purple alien Ged

Same! I want to see Marvin the Mart... I mean Ged.

Sigh...I see six months has not been enough to get my comments section off their blood fix.

There are so many traits to go through...this may take some time. Is there a poll function on this forum anymore or are we doing this the old fashioned way?

 

[Nikolai]

You could do a strawpoll.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

You could do a strawpoll.

Indeed. Gleeful vote stacking it is. Let me get the list up on things to do...

Well, I suppose the real question I should are we making a Ged Sue here, only filthy ugly, or being slightly more discerning? By that's I mean am I just cranking all the stats to max, giving him all the good traits, making him a master of everything and then reducing the physical character to a tiny purple alien freak or something else?

 

[GangsterSynod]

IMHO, Ged should be absolutely stacked in every attribute except one, chosen at random, which should be terrible. Then he should be absolutely Martianized. He must feel the caprice of his creator and the arbitrariness of his existence.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

IMHO, Ged should be absolutely stacked in every attribute except one, chosen at random, which should be terrible. Then he should be absolutely Martianized. He must feel the caprice of his creator and the arbitrariness of his existence.

Not a bad idea. We could make him althoghter amazing, except for being riddled with sex diseases. Or just give him a random genetic illness like dwarfism, blindness, leper or scaly skin.

Or we could make him just amazing at everything. And also mentally deranged (lunatic trait). This could also be used as an explanation as to why he has a random religious belief and immediately starts reforming it...means we can make a bunch of shit up and attack pretty much anyone randomly. Maybe one week we are nudist, the next puritan...

Means we could actually create a demonic witchcraft cult this time. Hmm, creating our own religion and then becoming a heretic anyway. Is it possible? Maybe!

 

[Specialist290]

We can make a little purple alien man and convince everyone he is sex on two legs.

This gets my vote.

IMHO, Ged should be absolutely stacked in every attribute except one, chosen at random, which should be terrible.

This also gets my vote.

And also mentally deranged (lunatic trait). This could also be used as an explanation as to why he has a random religious belief and immediately starts reforming it...means we can make a bunch of shit up and attack pretty much anyone randomly. Maybe one week we are nudist, the next puritan...

And this gets my vote as well.

 

[Wraith11B]

@Specialist290 is following the @El Pip standard of Florida voting here...

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

This gets my vote.

This also gets my vote.

And this gets my vote as well.

@Specialist290 is following the @El Pip standard of Florida voting here...

Well this is medieval times so votes only count so far as I am willing to indulge. But we seem to be getting somewhere. Ged being a little alien, a lunatic, but otherwise amazingly good at everything and incredibly attractive seems to be the way forward.

As to how and why that came about...hmm, let's say PTM did it. GEN's old standby.

 

[El Pip]

Well this is medieval times so votes only count so far as I am willing to indulge.

Well obviously. As is well known under Feudalism it is not your vote that counts, but your count that votes.

Ged as a stunningly beautiful Martian idiot with every possible disease is clearly the best starting point. I must also make my regular request that he then fails at everything, because we need more AARs about failure. Overly literal and ill-advised following of the PTMs advice causing constant disaster, climaxing in Ireland being turned into a smoking ruin that has been annexed by Byzantium, that is the ticket.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Well obviously. As is well known under Feudalism it is not your vote that counts, but your count that votes.

Quite.

Ged as a stunningly beautiful Martian idiot with every possible disease is clearly the best starting point.

Yes, I think that seems to be the consensus at this point...

I must also make my regular request that he then fails at everything, because we need more AARs about failure. Overly literal and ill-advised following of the PTMs advice causing constant disaster, climaxing in Ireland being turned into a smoking ruin that has been annexed by Byzantium, that is the ticket.

Hmm. Well, getting annexed by Byzantium shouldn't be too hard, as that empire is still obscenely OP compared to the rest of the map.

Actually failing may be hard, but I did manage it with some insane amounts of effort in a Byazantine run (funnily enough). We should see some reference to that in the AAR actually, as it was also the test run for Project ZEUS, which we shall be reviving with modification for Ged 2.0.

I'm thinking we make the game as hard as possible for Ged. Different culture from everyone else. Constantly changing religion or starting his own. Maybe hellenism for the crack. Start him in Ireland or Iceland (where the moon men live). Force the worst possible inheritance laws through. Rule our realm like a fucking demon. Whip subjects. Refuse all peasant requests. Tax the eyeballs off the nobility. March our armies through the desert etc etc

Can always sell the empire to Byzantine in the end if none of that works. But in my actual 'trying to fail run with mega stat man', I created a pretty nice roman empire and then sunk it so far into debt thst there was no way it would ever make the money back. You can't fight wars without cash in game, and so the army is spectacularly large but also very weak. We couldn't expand, everyone had -200 opinion of everyone else because we were all bankrupt...yes, a good goal to aim for.

 

[filcat]

Ah great, almost missed it again; but this time fortunate enough to catch it before its new start.

A) is there interest in dragging Ged back from oblivion into the Existential Nightnare from which he can never truly escape?

Can only reply this one: Yes, please.

"filcat has just received the wonderful news of another AAR about Ged; and for once about on time"
[or actually Vergilius reading the Aeneid to Augustus, Octavia, and Livia, painting by Jean-Baptiste Joseph Wicar, 1790]