I don't know a place more appropriate for a guy who’s part lobster then Italy! *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge* 
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Nice iniciative... you'll make an excellent overlord.
Under the same philosophy, have you thought about attacking Germany through Austria before they evolve too much?
That might work.
PS: I'm an unemployed Field Marshall and former minion
Under the same philosophy, have you thought about attacking Germany through Austria before they evolve too much?
That might work.
PS: I'm an unemployed Field Marshall and former minion
Alright guys, I update my first post with your characters. The new leader names will take affect after my Ethiopia campaign and Yugoslav campaign (already complete, so you don't get any screen time yet) You will all get some screen time, but not all in this post. Thank you for your interest!
Onward with the AAR!!!
*****
Rome:
Exterous was sitting in his chair. He had unloaded 2 more sandbags, but had otherwise been distracted by his computer. Well, he only really needed 10 sandbags to live, so he had more than enough.
String ran in again: "SIR! More evil bad news!"
"What? I hate evil bad news!" Exterous shot String
"You shouldn't kill the messanger."
Exterou whirrled around "Who are you?"
"The name is Captain Coats."
"Captain? Is that your first name?"
"I....uh....I don't really know."
"Well, what is it that you do."
"Uhhhh.....mmmm....don't really know that either. Guess I don't have a part yet." Coats walked out.
But that still left Exterous with a dead String on the floor. He picked it up and tied it in a bow. *sigh "No, that won't do." He went over to his briefcase and rummaged around. "Ah! There!" He loaded his savegame:
String ran in again: "SIR! More evil bad news!"
Exterous was temped to shoot him again. He really hated evil bad news. He could tolerate bad news but not evil bad news.
"What is it?"
"Yugoslavia is planning to invade us in 1999!"
"So? The world will end in another year."
"But still sir."
"Good point." Gather a general who is not currently engaged in a month long battle in Ethiopia.
String went to Jopi and told him to find a general. Jopi looked, but all were busy. He waited while Army Group North was assembled at Venice.
Easily Confused walked up to him "So, we gonna do a amphib landing or what?"
"Nah, I think we'll just go through our land connection."
"But the forts...." protested Easily Confused.
"No prob. I just need the right leader....ahhh....there we go." Jopi reassigned a leader with OD and FB capabilities who had just gotten done losing his month long fight. "Level 6 otta do just fine."
Easily went off and pouted and reflected that maybe he shoulda chosen a better position (j/k )
The Italian forces gathered. Meanwhile in Rome:
Exterous was pacing, holding his laptop. "I need an excuse to attack them. Hmmmm. BRING ME MY PROPAGANDA OFFICER!
A fat, lazy looking man ambled in "What?"
Exterous outlined his needs. "Sure, whatever."
5 min later "Here you go."
Exterous looked at it. "And this is supposed to inspire my nation to war?"
"Yep"
Exterous looked at it again. It was a green board with the word 'HI' on it. "Works for me."
A DOW on Yugoslavia occured just 2 seconds later.
Venice:
Mr. G 24 stood at the white line, seething. How dare the Yugos dare to plan to maybe consider attacking with a slight possibility that there was a change that they wouldn't.
"On your mark. Get set. GO!"
And the Italian army was off, shouting their war cry "HHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yugoslavia:
Guard 1: "My, aren't thsoe Italians such nice people."
Guard 2: "Yes, look at all of the swarming over to say hi to us."
1: "Its so nice to have such warm, inviting neighbors."
2: "Indeed. Look, here comes one now. Good day to you si....ack!"
Mr. G 24 stabbed him in the chest. "Hi, you B@st@rd" he said and ran off.
1: "HEY! HEY! That wasn't very nice!"
Galvanized by the green poster, the Italian army swarmed over the Yugoslavian forces with minimal casualties:
Easily Confused: "OOHHH! I get more ships! They're pretty!"
With the conquest complete, the generals went back to Ethiopia and the fighting there continued........
Onward with the AAR!!!
*****
Rome:
Exterous was sitting in his chair. He had unloaded 2 more sandbags, but had otherwise been distracted by his computer. Well, he only really needed 10 sandbags to live, so he had more than enough.
String ran in again: "SIR! More evil bad news!"
"What? I hate evil bad news!" Exterous shot String
"You shouldn't kill the messanger."
Exterou whirrled around "Who are you?"
"The name is Captain Coats."
"Captain? Is that your first name?"
"I....uh....I don't really know."
"Well, what is it that you do."
"Uhhhh.....mmmm....don't really know that either. Guess I don't have a part yet." Coats walked out.
But that still left Exterous with a dead String on the floor. He picked it up and tied it in a bow. *sigh "No, that won't do." He went over to his briefcase and rummaged around. "Ah! There!" He loaded his savegame:
String ran in again: "SIR! More evil bad news!"
Exterous was temped to shoot him again. He really hated evil bad news. He could tolerate bad news but not evil bad news.
"What is it?"
"Yugoslavia is planning to invade us in 1999!"
"So? The world will end in another year."
"But still sir."
"Good point." Gather a general who is not currently engaged in a month long battle in Ethiopia.
String went to Jopi and told him to find a general. Jopi looked, but all were busy. He waited while Army Group North was assembled at Venice.
Easily Confused walked up to him "So, we gonna do a amphib landing or what?"
"Nah, I think we'll just go through our land connection."
"But the forts...." protested Easily Confused.
"No prob. I just need the right leader....ahhh....there we go." Jopi reassigned a leader with OD and FB capabilities who had just gotten done losing his month long fight. "Level 6 otta do just fine."
Easily went off and pouted and reflected that maybe he shoulda chosen a better position (j/k
)The Italian forces gathered. Meanwhile in Rome:
Exterous was pacing, holding his laptop. "I need an excuse to attack them. Hmmmm. BRING ME MY PROPAGANDA OFFICER!
A fat, lazy looking man ambled in "What?"
Exterous outlined his needs. "Sure, whatever."
5 min later "Here you go."
Exterous looked at it. "And this is supposed to inspire my nation to war?"
"Yep"
Exterous looked at it again. It was a green board with the word 'HI' on it. "Works for me."
A DOW on Yugoslavia occured just 2 seconds later.
Venice:
Mr. G 24 stood at the white line, seething. How dare the Yugos dare to plan to maybe consider attacking with a slight possibility that there was a change that they wouldn't.
"On your mark. Get set. GO!"
And the Italian army was off, shouting their war cry "HHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yugoslavia:
Guard 1: "My, aren't thsoe Italians such nice people."
Guard 2: "Yes, look at all of the swarming over to say hi to us."
1: "Its so nice to have such warm, inviting neighbors."
2: "Indeed. Look, here comes one now. Good day to you si....ack!"
Mr. G 24 stabbed him in the chest. "Hi, you B@st@rd" he said and ran off.
1: "HEY! HEY! That wasn't very nice!"
Galvanized by the green poster, the Italian army swarmed over the Yugoslavian forces with minimal casualties:
Easily Confused: "OOHHH! I get more ships! They're pretty!"
With the conquest complete, the generals went back to Ethiopia and the fighting there continued........
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Yay pretty ships! I can't wait till the Italian navy battles the Brtiish for control of the Med. Perhaps I could convince you to increase naval funding? (or at least let me sail around on a battleship and pretend to be useful)
Interlude
Sunny Italian plaza in Naples.
On a podium stands a fat man wearing a white suit and a silly fez.
He is sweating profusely and the large dark stains marking the armpits of his suit are made even more visible when he wipes his forehead with a soggy hanky, something which he does frequently.
The rest of the plaza is filled to overflowing with locals, men, women and children. All windows fazing the plaza are open and filled with people too and the roofs are dangerously crowded as well.
N: The other day some foreigners insulted our country or something.
Catcalls, boos and whistles from the crowd.
N: But then Extrous..
Exterous! The crowd goes in unison.
N: Yeah. But then Exterous
Cheers, clapping and whooping from the crowd.
N: said that
The crowd goes silent. - Completely silent - The mournful cry of a seagull can be heard from the harbour some half a mile away
N: we should invade them someday.
The crowd goes WILD! Amidst shouts of 'Viva Italia' , 'E viva Exterous' and 'Combattiamo i bastardi' the plaza empties in moments, while the lines to the army recruitment office nearby already stretches four times around the block.
From a doorway close to the podium a younger, thinner, fezless version of the fat man approaches.
N2: How do you do that, dad?
The fat man carefully climbs down from the podium (all two steps), then pauses to catch his breath.
N: I'll tell you this once and have it done with: Good orators tell people what they want to hear. I give people fire in their hearts and the hope for something greater, a story to live their lives by and the dream that whatever they do, it might put their mark on the world for it to remember them by.
They walk away towards the far end of the plaza. Camera pans back and to the right, showing that the line to the recruitment office now is clustered three abreast while reaching six times around the block and two times around the neighboring park.
Sunny Italian plaza in Naples.
On a podium stands a fat man wearing a white suit and a silly fez.
He is sweating profusely and the large dark stains marking the armpits of his suit are made even more visible when he wipes his forehead with a soggy hanky, something which he does frequently.
The rest of the plaza is filled to overflowing with locals, men, women and children. All windows fazing the plaza are open and filled with people too and the roofs are dangerously crowded as well.
N: The other day some foreigners insulted our country or something.
Catcalls, boos and whistles from the crowd.
N: But then Extrous..
Exterous! The crowd goes in unison.
N: Yeah. But then Exterous
Cheers, clapping and whooping from the crowd.
N: said that
The crowd goes silent. - Completely silent - The mournful cry of a seagull can be heard from the harbour some half a mile away
N: we should invade them someday.
The crowd goes WILD! Amidst shouts of 'Viva Italia' , 'E viva Exterous' and 'Combattiamo i bastardi' the plaza empties in moments, while the lines to the army recruitment office nearby already stretches four times around the block.
From a doorway close to the podium a younger, thinner, fezless version of the fat man approaches.
N2: How do you do that, dad?
The fat man carefully climbs down from the podium (all two steps), then pauses to catch his breath.
N: I'll tell you this once and have it done with: Good orators tell people what they want to hear. I give people fire in their hearts and the hope for something greater, a story to live their lives by and the dream that whatever they do, it might put their mark on the world for it to remember them by.
They walk away towards the far end of the plaza. Camera pans back and to the right, showing that the line to the recruitment office now is clustered three abreast while reaching six times around the block and two times around the neighboring park.
Another great and wonderful and magnfifcent and hilarious and superb and god like AAR from Extrous, keep up the excellent and magnificent and superb and extra ordinary good work.
*cough*yes, I want a part too so that I can become famous*cough*
*cough*yes, I want a part too so that I can become famous*cough*
N came walked through Exterous' office, having jsut stepped down from his podium:
"So, what did you think of my speech?"
"Mmmmm, huh? Wha?"
"Weren't you paying attention?" N's voice got dangerous
"Of course I was."
"No you weren't! You were playing you damn game again weren't you?"
"Uh......noooooo."
"I know when i'm not wanted!" and N stormed out.
Exterous patted his computer. "Not to worry. We're all alone now......."
Outside:
Perkele took N aside "You know he appriciates what you do for him."
"I know, he just is on that contraption of his all the time."
"Yes, he has a problem. Maybe in time, he will get over it."
They passed a small figure. N: "Who is that?"
"Thats Easily Confused."
"Oh, that explains it."
Easily Confused was playing with the new 'Battleships' Exterous had given him. A small, yellow rubber duckie battleship, The SS Easily, was fighting the dreadnaught SS Confused, a small piece of wood with a stick on it. "I shall rule the Seas! AHAHAHA! BANG! POW! PSSHHH!!! Gurgle gurlge" The yellow duckie went down and Easily lost half his new surface fleet "I WIN!" he shouted in triumph.
Ethiopia:
Morpheus emptied another clip into the mountains and walked an inch forward, then emptied another clip. Beside him was Lurken. The advance had gone slowly, but now, they were almost to the large city of Addis Ababas. In fact, Morpheues could see all 4 buildings of it. All four of them were factories.
After another week of fighting, the 'city' was theirs. Morpheus sat down wearily. "Now that was alot of fighting."
Lurken nodded. 1 year and 9 months later Ethiopia was Italy's.
The experience gained here in blood would prove itself over and over again later........
PS Of course I have the highest skill
"So, what did you think of my speech?"
"Mmmmm, huh? Wha?"
"Weren't you paying attention?" N's voice got dangerous
"Of course I was."
"No you weren't! You were playing you damn game again weren't you?"
"Uh......noooooo."
"I know when i'm not wanted!" and N stormed out.
Exterous patted his computer. "Not to worry. We're all alone now......."
Outside:
Perkele took N aside "You know he appriciates what you do for him."
"I know, he just is on that contraption of his all the time."
"Yes, he has a problem. Maybe in time, he will get over it."
They passed a small figure. N: "Who is that?"
"Thats Easily Confused."
"Oh, that explains it."
Easily Confused was playing with the new 'Battleships' Exterous had given him. A small, yellow rubber duckie battleship, The SS Easily, was fighting the dreadnaught SS Confused, a small piece of wood with a stick on it. "I shall rule the Seas! AHAHAHA! BANG! POW! PSSHHH!!! Gurgle gurlge" The yellow duckie went down and Easily lost half his new surface fleet "I WIN!" he shouted in triumph.
Ethiopia:
Morpheus emptied another clip into the mountains and walked an inch forward, then emptied another clip. Beside him was Lurken. The advance had gone slowly, but now, they were almost to the large city of Addis Ababas. In fact, Morpheues could see all 4 buildings of it. All four of them were factories.
After another week of fighting, the 'city' was theirs. Morpheus sat down wearily. "Now that was alot of fighting."
Lurken nodded. 1 year and 9 months later Ethiopia was Italy's.
The experience gained here in blood would prove itself over and over again later........
PS Of course I have the highest skill
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Next to Easily Confused, father and son meet up
N2: But were you really upset about Exterous not listening to your speech?
N: Naah, not worth the aggravation. I wouldn't listen to my own speeches if it wasn't that I have to. My ears are too close to my mouth.
N2: But then what.. why?
N: He expects me to pay attention to what he does even if he doesn't pay attention to me. It's in the job description.
N2: But were you really upset about Exterous not listening to your speech?
N: Naah, not worth the aggravation. I wouldn't listen to my own speeches if it wasn't that I have to. My ears are too close to my mouth.
N2: But then what.. why?
N: He expects me to pay attention to what he does even if he doesn't pay attention to me. It's in the job description.
As I wandered into Addis Ababas in a search for a peanut vendor.
After a while I get tired and angry in my futile attempt to find peanuts.
Muttering: "Hmpph...high n' mighty Exterous can conquer countries. But can he get peanuts for the average grunt? No! Hmpph..."
After a while I get tired and angry in my futile attempt to find peanuts.
Muttering: "Hmpph...high n' mighty Exterous can conquer countries. But can he get peanuts for the average grunt? No! Hmpph..."
Hey if I'm head of the navy does that mean I'm also an admiral with skill and such? If so I'd be interested to know what it is and if I have any skills/deficets. (bad speller isn't really a negative I don't think)
Exterous said:
I'm an actor! I'm an actor! I'm famous! Finally!
Now when do I get my paycheck?
Easily Confused: You'll get more screen time if you are just a Chief of Navy
*******
Rome
Exterous was sitting at his desk when Perkele ran in:
"Sir, as your technology advisor, i feel inclined to inform you of something."
"Since when did i have a technology advisor."
"Since yesturday."
"Oh."
"Anyway" Perkele continued "I need to report to you that our troops in Ethiopia......"
"Don't you mean "Italyopia'?"
"Er.....sure, well, they don't have any peanut vendors. It seems as though they were the focus of all the attacks by the ethiopian military."
"OH! The humanity! Researched adv peanut vendors immediatly!"
"You mean 'industrial pasteurization'?"
"Thats what i said." Perkele walked out to start research.
Jopi walked in right after Perkele left.
"And what can i do for you?"
"I have a number of petitions for some of your new FMs to change their names."
"Huh?"
"Well, it seems as though they want new names."
"Uh....ok."
"Great. Have a good day!" Jopi walked out.
Exterous went back to pouring over his reports. "ACK!" He looked at the consumer goods report. "We need that much?!" He searched the map for a country to invade. "No, no, no, no....no....maybe, er no.....no." Too many countries fell into spheres of influence. "Ooooo, Albania!" Exterous called Jopi in.
"What?"
"Tell our newly named FMs to go invade Albania and the Greece."
"Why Greece?"
"Why not?" Exterous asked dangerously.
"Er...no reason."
"Good."
A bit later in the year:
"Sir, I'd like to report that the advance has gone well. Shall we annex Greece and Albania?"
"Heavens no! Just Greece. If we annex Albania, then our consumer good needs go way up."
"Well, what then?"
"Nothing for now." But Exterous eyed Turkey.......
*******
Rome
Exterous was sitting at his desk when Perkele ran in:
"Sir, as your technology advisor, i feel inclined to inform you of something."
"Since when did i have a technology advisor."
"Since yesturday."
"Oh."
"Anyway" Perkele continued "I need to report to you that our troops in Ethiopia......"
"Don't you mean "Italyopia'?"
"Er.....sure, well, they don't have any peanut vendors. It seems as though they were the focus of all the attacks by the ethiopian military."
"OH! The humanity! Researched adv peanut vendors immediatly!"
"You mean 'industrial pasteurization'?"
"Thats what i said." Perkele walked out to start research.
Jopi walked in right after Perkele left.
"And what can i do for you?"
"I have a number of petitions for some of your new FMs to change their names."
"Huh?"
"Well, it seems as though they want new names."
"Uh....ok."
"Great. Have a good day!" Jopi walked out.
Exterous went back to pouring over his reports. "ACK!" He looked at the consumer goods report. "We need that much?!" He searched the map for a country to invade. "No, no, no, no....no....maybe, er no.....no." Too many countries fell into spheres of influence. "Ooooo, Albania!" Exterous called Jopi in.
"What?"
"Tell our newly named FMs to go invade Albania and the Greece."
"Why Greece?"
"Why not?" Exterous asked dangerously.
"Er...no reason."
"Good."
A bit later in the year:
"Sir, I'd like to report that the advance has gone well. Shall we annex Greece and Albania?"
"Heavens no! Just Greece. If we annex Albania, then our consumer good needs go way up."
"Well, what then?"
"Nothing for now." But Exterous eyed Turkey.......
In a car, travelling at speed
N: I don't like Argentinians
N2: But why not, it's not as if they are allied or in anyones sphere of interest?
N: That's why
N2: Aahh. . But isn't France really upset about Italy's belligerence and threatening to declare war against Germany at any moment?
N: So?
N2: Eeh. I don't know. Nothing I guess. I just figured that there should be less wars lest we start a world war.
N: That's Extrous' worries. We're just to make speeches and distribute bribes to make people calm down. Bring out a new crate of basic peanut wendors, we're approaching Pisa.
N: I don't like Argentinians
N2: But why not, it's not as if they are allied or in anyones sphere of interest?
N: That's why
N2: Aahh. . But isn't France really upset about Italy's belligerence and threatening to declare war against Germany at any moment?
N: So?
N2: Eeh. I don't know. Nothing I guess. I just figured that there should be less wars lest we start a world war.
N: That's Extrous' worries. We're just to make speeches and distribute bribes to make people calm down. Bring out a new crate of basic peanut wendors, we're approaching Pisa.
I was running towards the barracks, could it be possible that Exterous finally shipped down peanut vendors?
I screamed "YEESSS! Viva Exterous! Peanuts!"
I ran towards to long line in front of the peanut vendor, glad that I could at last buy me some peanuts.
I screamed "YEESSS! Viva Exterous! Peanuts!"
I ran towards to long line in front of the peanut vendor, glad that I could at last buy me some peanuts.
I gotta be the most competent Head of Army of Italy ever, conquering Ethiopia and Brazil! Could you make me a Field Marshall with Guns and peanuts doctrine, please?
Hm, you seem to be using the poster leader mod with this one. Which version? If it's late enough that means that I could be a general.... muahahaha.....
A scientist ran into the private chamber of Perkele, where he was sitting in his chair made of peanuts.
"Sir, we have researched a mighty weapon! We call it Atom bomb. It can destory everything within a 100 square mile radius and..."
"That's very interesting but I told you to develope advanced peanut vendors, not a weapon that could destroy all our enemies. Now leave me alone so that I can continue playing with my dolls...I mean so that I can continue developing 'modern peanut vendors' "
The man threw the papers he had in his hand to the garbage, and wandered away to research advanced peanut vendors, that would help the Italians to conquer the known world...again.
"Sir, we have researched a mighty weapon! We call it Atom bomb. It can destory everything within a 100 square mile radius and..."
"That's very interesting but I told you to develope advanced peanut vendors, not a weapon that could destroy all our enemies. Now leave me alone so that I can continue playing with my dolls...I mean so that I can continue developing 'modern peanut vendors' "
The man threw the papers he had in his hand to the garbage, and wandered away to research advanced peanut vendors, that would help the Italians to conquer the known world...again.