Chapter 10: Super Churchill, and what I did during my Exam interlude
“Important news, Mighty Cheesare! Russia just annexed Eastern Poland. As promised. This isn’t really news. I just…never mind, I’ll just go.”
Augustus Cheeseolini and his Imperial Court watched mystified as the dejected young messenger burst into tears and ran out of the room.
“So, anyway. You were telling me all about your jet engines, Mr Campini?”
Er…yes, my Emperor. I can definitely build something you will think is one before the year is out!”
“Most impressive. Alan, doesn’t that sound impressive?”
“In all sorts of ways, Mighty Cheesare. And how much will this cost, Mr Campini?”
“About 74 days of your court’s attention. Same as everything else.”
The Great Leader nodded wisely. That sounded cheap enough. Not that Rome had much want for anything, given how it now possessed a mighty empire and enough gold to sit, bath and swim in.
“Make it so, Mr Campini. I want future Italian airmen breaking the sound barrier when they crash, understand?”
“Mostly, my liege. I will go now, and never come up again in this story.”
The Court watched him leave like a professional, and then continued with their table tennis tournament until someone else came in to update the map table they were playing on.
…
20th February 1940
Good morning everyone, and welcome to SIM Secret Report of ‘WTF Russia is doing this week?’ Last week, we reported rumblings of threats, movements and imminent invasion from Russia to Finland. This week, as you all know, Stalin went through with his threats and invaded the country.
For some reason, it is now three days later and tens of thousands of Russians are dead.
We are not quite sure what is going on, with how chaotic the border is right now, but it seems the Russian army has decided to storm the entire gigantic border shared between them and Finland, in the worst bit of frost the country has had in a long while. The Finns have used every trick in the book, and written a few of their own, in fighting back. They have done a remarkable job of utilising Russian stupidity and the weather to great effect. The result? 100 Finns have died and 14,567 Russians were taken with them. Stalin is no closer to stepping foot on Finnish soil, or rather he tried and slipped on the ice.
We suspect the Russians will, eventually, figure out that they only need to wait a bit and then drive up the southern roads to the capital to win, but long before that, a ceasefire will be declared. Russia is already drawing one up as we speak.
The impact of this war cannot be overstated. Finland is likely now to join any war against Russia on Hitler’s side, and will probably hold out quite well as they do so. Hitler himself is only going to be emboldened by this, and will no doubt jump half-cocked into yet another war he has no chance of winning.
For our part, Russia has lost enough men that the troops on our own borders have been substantially reduced. If we were, hypothetically speaking, bribed into joining Germany for a land romp through Asia, we may get quite far before even seeing a Russian soldier.
To round out the week, a report on the Anglo-German War, and the Asian War of Madness. The latter has seen some progress by Japan, who have managed to link up their beachheads and seize most of the Chinese coastline in the east. The casualties on both sides have been spectacular, and trenches have yet again ensued on both sides. So, whilst the map looks dramatically different, the actual situation remains unchanged. China (4 million casualties) is running out of men, whilst Japan (1 million) is running out of everything else.
As for the European war, Poland has retreated to London, having lost 300k men. The Germans have lost a tenth of that taking the country, whilst the British have already lost 13k men doing…something. We aren’t quite sure what. But probably sea-related.
Incidentally, Neville Chamberlain seems to have disappeared, and His Grace, the Duke of London, Sir Winston Churchill has taken power. He’s also sent us an offer and a request for military access, which the Emperor has tentatively granted. We aren’t quite sure what he’s doing yet either, but it promises to be spectacular, I’m sure…
Thus ends the weekly report. Thank you.
…
18th April 1940
Two titans met for the first time since all this madness began.
“Winston.”
“Augustus.”
The two leaders inclined their heads at each other, and sat before a gigantic map in the London Map Room. It was much like the Imperial Map Room, only three centuries older, darker, and with a curiously elephant-shaped whole in the wall.
“So, we meet at last,” the British PM said, puffing at his cigar. “I must say, from the off, that I have been a vocal and passionate advocate against your wars of expansion. I see your bastardised roman empire as the gravest threat to civilisation this world has ever seen.”
“That’s ok,” Cheeseolini replied. “I’ve been ignoring the British Empire up to this point. Boats scare me, and we’re dreadful at sailing. Even worse than flying. But now the Empire is complete, except for British holdings in and around the Mediterranean, it seems we have no choice but to ‘talk’.”
Churchill grimaced as he looked down at the map in front of both of them. The world had changed so much in the past few years, and very little in the favour of his country. Oh, the economy was booming and every Dominion, and the rest bar India, were angling for closer ties to protect them from fascism. But Europe was once more united under a single banner, and that was never good news for his island.
There was only one saving grace.
“My nation is grateful for your support of military access and supply,” the PM said. “But I would like to know more about Italy’s plans for the future. Hitler seems poised to declare war on the few peoples he has not already done so. You must see that he is a threat to you, as well as everyone else.”
The Great Leader shrugged. “From what SIM tells me, it seems likely that the idiot is going after Stalin first. We may or may not be joining him on that escaped but,” he said sharply, cutting Churchill off, “we have no interest nor future in being friends with the Nazi party. Every member of the Axis has claims on our land, claims they loudly declare to have and hold. No, we may yet march into Russia to destroy communism once and for all, but we will no doubt be fighting the Germans soon afterwards.”
Churchill sat back and considered for a moment. This went well with his own plans for the war effort. If what the Italian said was true, Germany and Italy would fight and win against Russia, destroying the communist threat. Both would be weakened by the experience, and liable to fight each other as soon as the war was won.
“It seems likely then, that in a few years, providing all goes well, that Germany and Russia will both be defeated. What then would Italy seek in a post-war age?”
The Roman Emperor tapped his nose. “We want all our claims to be recognised, our empire to be recognised, our people to be recognised etc. We have no need for more land, aside from yours should you ever want to give it up…otherwise, we would want some recognition of our spheres of influence as well. I have no doubt we shall be freeing many enslaved nations from the communists and Nazi empire. They will be safe with us, I assure you.”
“Consider me assured,” Churchill grated. That wasn’t too bad, considering what the Romans could try to do. Still, it seemed this empire would not be falling apart like the other two headaches in Europe. More’s the pity. “Poland of course will be freed and remain within the Allies, and a democracy.”
“Of course,” Cheeseolini said, eyes flashing. “Denmark and Norway too, should anything happen to them. But of course, the British would never allow their allies to fall.”
Churchill actually smiled for the first time in weeks. “Certainly not without cause. Certainly not.”
…
It was thus an unsurprised Imperial Court that heard not 24 hours later that the Germans had invaded Denmark.
It was however, a very surprised Imperial Court that was still receiving reports that Copenhagen still held out a week later.
Augustus Cheeseolini was beginning to think he may have underestimated Mr Churchill.
