Retrieved Recording from the ASC Fortune
The following is a recording retrieved from the Assani Corporation’s ship, the ASC Fortune, which was discovered floating dead in space. The recording is the only useful information that has been retrieved from the wreckage, and can possibly explain what happened to the Assani Corporation as a polity.
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Recording Activate:
There is a general sound of panic and frantic communication occurring in the cockpit of the ASC Fortune, with individual sounds impossible to understand. A klaxon sounds, and the Captain of the ASC Fortune, listed as one Captain Nollus Troppo, is made out above the background noise.
Captain Troppo: Dammit Ensign Bulbus, give me a damn report!
Ensign Bulbus: Sir, our shields are down, our engines are down, life-support systems are critical, primary weapons are down but secondary weapons remain online at 50% efficiency!
Captain Troppo: Dammit to hell! What about our Warp Drive?! Can we jump out of here?!
Ensign Bulbus: Report is coming in now Sir… Argh, the Warp Drive is critically damaged Sir! It’s operating at 5% capacity, the engineers are saying it’s all but impossible to fix!
Captain Troppo: Dam-
Several explosions rock the ASC Fortune, and temporarily cut out recordings. Recordings resume 2 hours later, although quality has decreased.
Captain Troppo: Flag their ship for communications! We need to find who the hell they are, and what in Capitol is going on with the rest of the Merchant Military.
The questions asked by Ensign Bulbus are ineligible, as are the Captain’s reponses. Shortly communications between Captain Troppo and the other vessel are begun.
ASC Fortune’s Automated Translation System: THE INCOMING RESPONSE IS HIGHLY UNORTHODOX IN ITS LINGUISTIC COMPOSITION. LANGUAGE USED DOES NOT MATCH ANY LANGUGAGE LISTED IN THIS SECTOR. TRANSLATION MAY CONTAIN ERRORS BECAUSE OF THE DIFFICULTY OF TRANSLATION. OVERALL TRANSLATION ACCURACY: UNKNOWN.
Captain Troppo: For the love of… Hail there Captain! I am Captain Nollus Troppo, of the ASC Fortune, Delta-Class of the Merchant Marine Space Branch of the Assani Corporation. Do you read us?
???: Hello extremely! We can hear you and *smell* you well! We are so *jumping peppers* to be *inside*!
Captain Troppo: What the- Pardon Captain, do you read me?
???: Yes, we hear you *spitting*! We are happy to *spit* with you, or to *take*!
Captain Troppo: Indeed… Who, and what, are you Captain?
???: Who are you? You are not Orz! We are Orz! We are not *many bubbles* like you, but are *fingers*. You see us, but you do not really, until we are really here!
Captain Troppo: I see. Orz, are you able to tell us about any anomalous activities in this region of space? We came under attack, and barely escaped with our lives, earlier, and we have received numerous distress calls from our Home World of Capitol. Please, we must know what is going on! The entirety of the Assani Corporation could be in danger!
Orz: The Assani Corporation? Nnnnnggggaaaahhhhh! They make Orz *frumple*! We *smell* Assani Corporation, they invite us *inside* from *below*, but when we want to *camp* with them, they only want to *dance*! It is much sad. It made us *squeeze the juice*!
Captain Troppo: Wait, you know what’s happened to the Assani Corporation? I demand you tell me!
Orz: You are making us *frumple*! What you ask is *fat*, and you are just a *silly cow*! What happened to Assani Corporation is *fat*, and we made lots of *special sauce* after *dancing*. Now Orz have *New Home* in *the middle*. We don’t want to *spit* this anymore.
Captain Troppo: What happened?!
Orz: We showed Assani Corporation our *surprising toys*, but they were *frumple*. Now you make us *frumple*, by *spitting* too much on *fat* things, *silly cow*! I’ll make you into *special sauce* after our *dance*!
Captain Troppo: What on Capitol?!
The recording ends here as the ASC Fortune comes under fire, killing all crew. What this recording means about the Orz and the Assani Corporation is worrying.
The following is a recording retrieved from the Assani Corporation’s ship, the ASC Fortune, which was discovered floating dead in space. The recording is the only useful information that has been retrieved from the wreckage, and can possibly explain what happened to the Assani Corporation as a polity.
…
…
…
Recording Activate:
There is a general sound of panic and frantic communication occurring in the cockpit of the ASC Fortune, with individual sounds impossible to understand. A klaxon sounds, and the Captain of the ASC Fortune, listed as one Captain Nollus Troppo, is made out above the background noise.
Captain Troppo: Dammit Ensign Bulbus, give me a damn report!
Ensign Bulbus: Sir, our shields are down, our engines are down, life-support systems are critical, primary weapons are down but secondary weapons remain online at 50% efficiency!
Captain Troppo: Dammit to hell! What about our Warp Drive?! Can we jump out of here?!
Ensign Bulbus: Report is coming in now Sir… Argh, the Warp Drive is critically damaged Sir! It’s operating at 5% capacity, the engineers are saying it’s all but impossible to fix!
Captain Troppo: Dam-
Several explosions rock the ASC Fortune, and temporarily cut out recordings. Recordings resume 2 hours later, although quality has decreased.
Captain Troppo: Flag their ship for communications! We need to find who the hell they are, and what in Capitol is going on with the rest of the Merchant Military.
The questions asked by Ensign Bulbus are ineligible, as are the Captain’s reponses. Shortly communications between Captain Troppo and the other vessel are begun.
ASC Fortune’s Automated Translation System: THE INCOMING RESPONSE IS HIGHLY UNORTHODOX IN ITS LINGUISTIC COMPOSITION. LANGUAGE USED DOES NOT MATCH ANY LANGUGAGE LISTED IN THIS SECTOR. TRANSLATION MAY CONTAIN ERRORS BECAUSE OF THE DIFFICULTY OF TRANSLATION. OVERALL TRANSLATION ACCURACY: UNKNOWN.
Captain Troppo: For the love of… Hail there Captain! I am Captain Nollus Troppo, of the ASC Fortune, Delta-Class of the Merchant Marine Space Branch of the Assani Corporation. Do you read us?
???: Hello extremely! We can hear you and *smell* you well! We are so *jumping peppers* to be *inside*!
Captain Troppo: What the- Pardon Captain, do you read me?
???: Yes, we hear you *spitting*! We are happy to *spit* with you, or to *take*!
Captain Troppo: Indeed… Who, and what, are you Captain?
???: Who are you? You are not Orz! We are Orz! We are not *many bubbles* like you, but are *fingers*. You see us, but you do not really, until we are really here!
Captain Troppo: I see. Orz, are you able to tell us about any anomalous activities in this region of space? We came under attack, and barely escaped with our lives, earlier, and we have received numerous distress calls from our Home World of Capitol. Please, we must know what is going on! The entirety of the Assani Corporation could be in danger!
Orz: The Assani Corporation? Nnnnnggggaaaahhhhh! They make Orz *frumple*! We *smell* Assani Corporation, they invite us *inside* from *below*, but when we want to *camp* with them, they only want to *dance*! It is much sad. It made us *squeeze the juice*!
Captain Troppo: Wait, you know what’s happened to the Assani Corporation? I demand you tell me!
Orz: You are making us *frumple*! What you ask is *fat*, and you are just a *silly cow*! What happened to Assani Corporation is *fat*, and we made lots of *special sauce* after *dancing*. Now Orz have *New Home* in *the middle*. We don’t want to *spit* this anymore.
Captain Troppo: What happened?!
Orz: We showed Assani Corporation our *surprising toys*, but they were *frumple*. Now you make us *frumple*, by *spitting* too much on *fat* things, *silly cow*! I’ll make you into *special sauce* after our *dance*!
Captain Troppo: What on Capitol?!
The recording ends here as the ASC Fortune comes under fire, killing all crew. What this recording means about the Orz and the Assani Corporation is worrying.
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