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Sorry. Earthlink's router finally died. For good. So cancelled and went over to T-Mobile. One computer works with the network and one does not. So things may go slow for the next few days until I can get tech support to get the other computer to work with the network.
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Crusader Kings 2 - The Road of Queens
Chapter One Thousand-Eighty-Four : Vegan - Part Thirteen : The Shire Is Broken!
Chapter One Thousand-Eighty-Four : Vegan - Part Thirteen : The Shire Is Broken!
Joxer strummed his lute for a few minutes before continuing the tale of the Shire and its new Master.
“So Vegan had a choice,” he said with a knowing nod of his head. “Should he rebel or obey. He, and his new Liege, hated each other. But the Council suggested he be careful and, being a gentlemen of peace, he decided NOT to put up a fight.”
“In other words he was a coward,” stated the Empress as she tasted a fish filled pie.
Joxer shrugged. “He wasn’t a warrior. He was a Hobbit.”
“Anyway, the NEW Master of the Shire was quick to pass his first Law,” the Bard continued. “He had the Lords of the Shire approve the Levy Shifted Noble Obligation Law.”
“Was he preparing for war?” inquired the Empress. “After all, he was one of the bad guys, right?”
“Yes, well, it seemed like it,” replied Joxer with a knowing little dance.
“In fact he asked Vegan to be one of his Commanders,” Joxer added. “And of course Vegan agreed.”
“Not a fighter, eh?”
The Bard just smiled and plucked the strings of his lute.
“But the new Ruler of the Shire was having issues,” the Bard continued after a few seconds of smiling. “Many of his vassals were joining the movement to increase the Council’s power.”
“Vassals suck so much,” mumbled the Empress around a mouth full of fish pie.
“But that was not his only problem,” added the Bard. “For the Shire had broken into pieces as parts of it just became independent.”
“What?”
“So there is no Shire anymore, really,” commented the Empress. “I told you everyone in this story is stupid.”
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Crusader Kings 2 - The Road of Queens
Chapter One Thousand-Eighty-Five : Vegan - Part Fourteen : Genocide?
Chapter One Thousand-Eighty-Five : Vegan - Part Fourteen : Genocide?
Joxer the Bard thought about how to continue the tale. It had some twists and turns in it that had to be handled carefully. Some of it was politics, which many listeners could find boring, but there was one event that was…well, kind of horrible. He didn’t know how the Empress would take it.
“The New Lord of the Shire had many problems besides the break up,” the Bard said while running his fingers over the strings of his lute. “Many of his vassals were joining the movement to increase the powers of the Council.”
“Vassals are always causing trouble,” mumbled the Empress. Who was likely a tad drunk at this point. From the wine, beer, and other types of booze she had consumed during the morning.
“And soon other movements were started,” he continued. “One to bring Gavelkind Succession to the Shire.”
“Somebody ALWAYS tries that!” complained the Empress with a shake of her head. “Nobles are idiots. Idiots I tell thee!”
“And another movement to have Peregin for the Shire,” added the Bard. He tried to ignore the Council Members and other Nobles looking at the Empress with upset looks.
“And soon they were even forming movements for independence,” he exclaimed with a stroke of his lute.
“Many of them already broke off,” pointed out the Empress. “Why ask for permission? Just go independent! Spineless Nobles.”
“Then it came to Vegan's attention that there was a Hobbit available to be one of his Guards,” the Bard said as he ignored the Empress and her comments. “Turned out there was a seventeen year old female Hobbit, named May, who was perfect for the job. In that she had a sword. Well, a dagger from our point of view.”
"He picked a female warrior?" remarked a confused Empress. "Normally racists are also sexists. Interesting."
“Then Vegan was given great news!” proclaimed the Bard. “The territory of Greenholm was now only for the Hobbits. It had been cleansed of other races!”
“What? What?! WHAT?!?!” responded the Empress with a flash of angry in her eyes.
“Yes,” he added. “Now the Realm was free of anybody but Hobbits. Which gave them more living space-”
“NO,” replied the Empress. “This story ends now. Even in fiction I refuse to support genocide! I am Buddhist and I refuse entertain such ideas. Out! You’ve already been paid. Go back to Greece. Go back to Europe. Maybe such things are normal there to talk about. But not here!”
“But, but, but-”
“OUT!”
And so the tale came to an end as Joxer was sent back to Europe. There he told tales of the drunk Empress of India and made lots of money on a book he had printed about India which was full of misinformation, and headless people, and talking dogs, and caves full of treasures, and sexy female ghosts, and amazing myths about undersea kingdoms. In other words he lied to his publishers and made lots of money.
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Author’s Notes :
Sorry folks, but I worked at the US Holocaust Memorial Museum for 18 years and once the Hobbits started racial cleansing I had to stop there.
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That certainly was the right thing to do @Eurasia . No one can fault you for taking that sort of stand in your own game-play and AAR.
On a very different note (would that be darkly comedic?) this entity had something to say....
(Any force that can make hobbits turn to ethnic cleansing has to be as pure evil as can be!)
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What a fun LTR themed diversion from the main story. The abrupt ending was very fitting, and I have to say that I'm impressed the empress does draw the line at genocide. Now let's see how Eupraxia continues to mistreat her vassals and still expands the empire despite all of her bad behaviour...
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Crusader Kings 2 - The Road of Queens
Chapter One Thousand-Eighty-Six : The Rest of The Party
Chapter One Thousand-Eighty-Six : The Rest of The Party
With the Bard gone the Empress could continue to enjoy her party. There was plenty of roast chicken, fried fish, and even many vegan dishes for her to enjoy.
Then it was time to give the cape to her husband. Who seemed to be okay with it. But records suggest he was neither impressed nor unhappy with it. After all, this was ANOTHER cape he had been given by his wife. He still didn't love her. And barely liked her.
Also the relationship between the Empress and Doux Bhogishwar had improved. Slightly. Very slightly. But at least he seemed to have a higher opinion of her then her own husband.
Then it was the darkest night of the Diwali. Candles and lamps were lit and guests ate rich food and drank the best wines as they celebrated the victory of hope over despair, light over darkness, and knowledge over ignorance.
The guests enjoyed the rest of the party. The food, the music, the beauty of the chambers they walked through, and the joy of life.
But all good things come to an end and the party had to come to an end also. The guests left, the dancers and drummers were paid, and the staff cleaned up.
And all the left-over food had to be stored someplace. Some of it ended up in the Empress’s stomach.
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Author’s Notes :
So, I, in fact, had the whole party done before deciding to bring in Joxer. So many of the photos dealing the party were put in a folder for later use. And somehow that folder was deleted. I know what happened but just no longer had the images for the rest of the party. Which is why I just used these images.
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Just a quick postscript to note that this and other AARs in this forum and elsewhere are eligible in two on-going awards polls.
First there is the 2023 Q3 AARland Choice Awards (ACAs). There's also the bigger 2023 Yearly AARland Year-end AwAARds (YAYAs).
As this has grown to be one of my favorites, it will definitely show up on my ballots. Even those who don't usually comment are welcome to vote.
First there is the 2023 Q3 AARland Choice Awards (ACAs). There's also the bigger 2023 Yearly AARland Year-end AwAARds (YAYAs).
As this has grown to be one of my favorites, it will definitely show up on my ballots. Even those who don't usually comment are welcome to vote.
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Crusader Kings 2 - The Road of Queens
Chapter One Thousand-Eighty-Seven : What Are The Chinese Up To?
Chapter One Thousand-Eighty-Seven : What Are The Chinese Up To?
So, the Empress took some time to recover from the party. Well, to be honest, all the beer, wine, and other types of booze she had poured down her throat was what she was recovering from
And she wasn’t getting any younger. At 50 she really couldn’t party like she use to.
She was starting to worry about how long she had for this world. And her Heir hadn’t impressed her. At least not with that black eye.
And now, in February, she had reports about the Chinese MOVING through her Empire!
It looked like it was returning to China. Or heading to a location via the ocean. Either way she wasn’t happy about the Chinese marching troops over her lands.
None of her Council Members could explain WHY the Chinese soldiers were marching through the Empire. China was in conflict with a few Realms but it wasn’t known WHY they felt the need to use THAT route.
On the other hand the Chinese were losing soldiers due not having enough supplies. Likely due to the locals not selling them any food or drink.
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How rude of the Chinese to send their army through her territory without paying tribute to the Empress. No wonder the locals aren't feeding the soldiers. I'm actually surprised this rudeness didn't trigger a war between the Empress and the Chinese.
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Crusader Kings 2 - The Road of Queens
Chapter One Thousand-Eighty-Eight : Mars Was Very Busy
Chapter One Thousand-Eighty-Eight : Mars Was Very Busy
We open this chapter in early February, of the year 948 AD, in which the Empress noticed something on the Wall Map.
A Host of raiders was marching over her lands. First the Chinese and NOW looters.
“Do people think I am a weakling?” demanded the Empress. Then she noticed something ELSE on the Wall Map.
It looks like the Kingdom of Ayudha was dealing with a Revolt. While at the same time they were also in the war with the Mongols in defending Khazaria.
India was falling apart. Slowly. But it was happening.
A few days later she was presented with some news from within the Empire. Her elder daughter, luckily not her Heir, had gone to China. Had she gone voluntarily or had she been forced? Had her son, the Count, sent her to China for some reason? Or was it the Regent pulling strings from behind the young Count?
Then the Host under Blush started to cause trouble in the County of Magadha. Not surprising to be honest. Hosts will be Hosts.
As the Empress rushed to check out the Wall Map she found the local forces had already assembled to fight the invaders. They were brave but heavily outnumbered.
“Send in my own soldiers!” she commanded. “Now. We might not be able to help them but we can wipe out the Host when we get there!”
And so the Imperial Retinue was sent to take on the Host. Would it arrive in it? No. Just to keep you from stressing out. We don’t want you getting a upset tummy by worrying so much. Nope, the brave County soldiers get totally stomped on.
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Crusader Kings 2 - The Road of Queens
Chapter One Thousand-Eighty-Nine : No Fair!
Chapter One Thousand-Eighty-Nine : No Fair!
This chapter opens in early March, in the year 948 AD, with the news that the brave defenders of Magadha had been wiped out.
Now the Host was trying to siege the holdings but didn’t have enough people. Or maybe they failed to bring any siege equipment?
As the Empress watched the tiny marker that was her Army move down the Wall Map she started getting news from within the Empire.
Seems a Noble of the House of Sin, named Bhogishwar, was plotting to kill Bhutivarman of the House of Vijaya.
“Tell him to stop,” ordered the Empress. “The House of Vijaya have been loyal to the Empire for decades. Don’t mess with them.”
By April the Imperial forces were about to hit the Host.
But then she got more news. This time from outside the Empire. But still from within the Dynasty. Seems the Great King Theophylaktos “The Chaste” of Lanka picked a Marshal for his Council.
Then there was news about another murder plot. Sif Yanxidottir of the House Xiaokhitai was plotting to kill Eilif Sigurdrsson. A Norse. Maybe she was racist? Or maybe because he was a Muslim? Or maybe because she was a loon?
“Tell the nut to stop,” commanded the Empress. “Really…so many plots.”
Then the Great King of Lanka was at it again.
Seems he selected a Mayor to be one of his Commanders. The Mayor didn’t look very skilled at combat. But who was the Empress to judge? Her Imperial Commanders weren’t that good at combat either.
Then she got upsetting news from her military. Really, really, really upsetting news.
“What do you mean the Host dodged?”
The Council Members looked a tad embarrassed. “They moved north across the river and are escaping.”
“Chase them down!” commanded the Empress. “Don’t let them escape! No Host has every beaten me!”
“To be honest a few have escaped-” started to point out one of the Council Members.
“NO Host has EVERY beaten me!” she repeated loudly.
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Apologies for going off on a tangent.... But because this AAR is filled with tangents, I feel right at home. As if to answer the question posed by King Þorolfr above, last night in my current CKII game this character appeared:
He's a Bedouin who follows the Germanic religion and apparently he once lived in Hindustan. This might be the only place where this occurrence might be appreciated.
(It appears this AAR is having a lot of influence on my game play. And some of that is apparently out of my control!)
(It appears this AAR is having a lot of influence on my game play. And some of that is apparently out of my control!)
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Crusader Kings 2 - The Road of Queens
Chapter One Thousand-Ninety : Invisible Host?
Chapter One Thousand-Ninety : Invisible Host?
We open this chapter in late April, of the year 948 AD, with the Host fleeing north.
The Countess Margarita of Magadha was pleased the Host was leaving. But she hated their guts and hoped the Imperial forces found them and wiped them out.
Of course the Imperial forces under Timotheos continued to give chase. But there was a worry the Host MIGHT escape.
So the Empress hired two mercenary groups. Her OWN Kamarupanagaran Band and the Alan Riders. Both of which assembled in the Imperial Capital.
And as the Empress ordered them forth she joined them.
While on the march the Empress received some weird news. Slightly old news too.
One, Thakur Mahasiva of Rohana ended his plot to….to do what?!?! What did he stop doing?
Then Count Blogishwar of Damin-I-koh was plotting to kill Countess Yajnavati.
“Tell him to stop,” demanded the Empress to the rider who brought her the letter from her Spymaster. “Don’t make me come back there. I WILL turn this army around.”
Then the Host disappeared. Just gone. The Empress was somewhat upset. She had wasted money hiring two units of hired thugs and now it had gone to waste.
Both mercenary bands were dismissed while the Imperial forces were ordered back to the Capital.
“I need a good cup of tea,” grumbled the Empress as she rode her Imperial Wagon back to her Palace.
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